Track 13: The Poet's Daughter - Part 1

Samplings from a home demo recorded in March/April of 2009, most were written in 2007.

Wish I could track down the name of the person who did the art, I've been using an album generator to decorate many of these pages, but this one... man, that image looks a lot like the subject of these songs and fit this collection to a T.

My Sweet Collette
Written on January 5, 2008

Capo 3rd fret, key of D. Written in my aunts upstairs attic, recorded in March, based on an earlier taped version (I also experimented with an up-tempo version which didn't go anywhere). Though I struggled with the pre-chorus, this is one of my personal favorites. And honestly, I never needed to write another one like it, this said it all, but I just couldn't get it out of my system.  The overwhelming sense of hurt and loss, my inability to forgive myself for not being able to prevent her fall (though yes, I know, that had to come from her).

Lyrics

Oh, my sweet Collette, how I've suffered for your sin

I have ventured into terrible places, with no hope to win

I watched you extinguish the light, I smelled the fire and brimstone

I waited patiently for days when you'd leave me here alone

But you went out to score a dream, but the nightmare is all that I see

And God will forgive your slights I am certain, but there's no forgiveness for me

My sweet Collette

I kissed the bruises on your arm, I tried to save your life

I tried to remove that thorn, and take you for my wife

But your mind is shattered, and I don't know who you are

And if I really believed I'd never seen you again, I never would have gotten in my car

Chorus

Collette of a 1,000 Regrets
Written on June 12, 2007

This was written during the time I was playing around with minor 7th, there's a bluesy vibe to it, before it turns to the Am with bass line that I've used often in many a song. Vocals are a bit too hot, I needed to lower them so that they lined up better with the music. Listening with headphones helps you hear the music.

Lyrics

And you are so much stronger, than I

There's little hope in trying to break you with a sigh

You do what you want and there nothing I can do

to change your point of view

I wish you could give in just a little bit

but growing up he way you did, you learned you couldn't quit

Because giving in meant giving up everything

and in everything

You had to be the strong one, because daddy wasn't there

You had to be the wise one because mommy's broken beyond repair

Oh Collette of a thousand regrets, of a million broken promises

of a billion fears

Oh Collette of a thousand regrets, never forget, I'm always here

Waiting to carry your tears

Repeat chorus

Love as Sorrow
Written in November 2007

Timing with drums is off (aarg!), but I like the pretty chiming guitar work. Capo on 3rd fret, and I barred the chords but kept the first two strings open to achieve that rather haunting, jangly, mantra, sound.  I wrote this in Portland, lyrically it's more than it seems on the surface, more than just "pitiful, weak guy with a breaking heart".

Lyrics

Falling in love with you is hurting so bad

I was just inches from your soft lips, enough to drive me mad

My head is swimming, and I need a drink

When I'm that close to you, It makes it hard to think

I wanted to kiss you, but I couldn't risk, I couldn't chance the look in your eyes

when you'd pull away and tell me no - and get up to go.

I heard you say you'll marry me, a thousand times in my head

I can't measure my heartache, can't number the tears I've shed

Chorus

Many times a day, when I'd pretend to hear you say

Those words you can not mean, so I carry them in a dream

Squeeze my eyes until they bleed, clench my teeth until I scream (yikes! melodramatic much?)

Falling in love with you is hurting so bad

I was just inches from your soft lips, enough to drive me mad

I wanted to kiss you, but I couldn't risk, I couldn't chance the look in your eyes

when you'd pull away and tell me no - and get up to go.

Magdalene
Written on May/June 2007

I had this in my back pocket for a while. I wrote the first half after seeing "Requiem for a Dream", and then it sat there like that for over a month, when my suspicions were confirmed I wrote the second verse and chorus. And I can see the divide, between fiction and reality. The title comes from the Bible, where it's written that Mary Magdalene was beset by 7 demons. Junk is a hateful demon.

The slow, dreamy, western rock music was a plus, though I wanted more of a rumbling drum sound for the pre-chorus, but my guitar gives an indication of that.

Lyrics

I don't want your cocaine, I don't want you meth

I don't want your Mary Jane, darling you taste of death

Your turning rail thin, your teeth are chattering

Your eyes are sunken in, your mind is shattering

And I could have loved you as something close to madness

But you loved your poison, as something near to sadness

Ahh-ahh, my sad Magdalen, ahh-ahh, I've lost you again

Ahh-ahh, my sad Magdalen, ahh-ahh I've lost you again

Don't want your heroin I don't want you're high

But I will eat your sin, don't want to watch you die

I reach out to hold you but all I hold is air

Your body is a shell, sold a broken and hardly there

Chorus

That Aint Me
Written on July 16, 2007

Riffing on that song by Bob - tearing myself down, but in the end, I wasn't the one who fell. 

Lyrics

Here I go again, sucking out the oxygen

you were looking for a laugh or three, an escape from all the heresy

But I get so depressed, tangled up in such a mess    

Did you grow weary of all the unrest, yeah, I think I flunked your test

You were looking for someone strong, then realized that you got it all wrong

'Cause that aint me, that aint me...

I wanted to be the guy, wanted to be one who got you high

But I couldn't keep up the pace, prevent you from seeing my true face

Now you're lost to me, and grief replaces urgency

I knew what was beautiful then, and I hate to see it at an end 

You were looking for someone cool, but what you got was this tired old fool

 'Cause that aint me, that aint me...

Many hours I have spent staring at the walls

waiting just waiting for one your calls

waiting till one of us falls

But that aint me, that aint me...

When I Tell You That I Love You
Written on November 8, 2007

My declaration of love - hated using the word "humble" (so corny) but couldn't find another rhyme. No real poetry here, I just lay it out there, plain as day. When I played it for her, she hid her face and cried, said it was beautiful and everything she needed, wanted to hear. That touched me deeply.

Lyrics

And when I tell you that I love you

I'm not trying to trick your mind

I'm not playing games with your heart

I wont use you then leave you behind

You'll never find a heart as true dear

I'll be your strength when you stumble

I'll comfort you when you face down your fear

I'm ever yours so true and humble

I know others used love like a gun

They shot you down and off they'd run

But I'm a man, I'm not a boy

I won't use love as a twisted ploy

Repeat first verse