Track 19: Atom 12

The title was a play on the cop show Adam-12 - It was a band name I was planning to use, but while on Myspace I saw several had already adopted the name. Recorded in August of 2009, only 2 came from the original Atom 12 (Around and Around and This Time) as the CD was filled with covers and early songs that have found a home on "The Embryo Files" collections. The first part of this album, or EP are folk numbers, the final tracks are rock. Click play to hear all songs one after the other - or use side bar to pick and choose.

When I Knew I Had You
Written on April 28, 2010

I wrote this after watching "Crazy Heart". I wanted to try and write what my uncle used to call a "crying and dying" country tune. Intended to be a story song, but I had no ending, so it's more a 'moment in time' type.

I improvised the bridge, thinking to change it later, but reconsidered, as that plaintive cry suits the number. "I needed you" sounds desperate and pleading.

I originally had "beer" in the words but that whole section made me wince, so I went instead with the image of the empty bottle. Same cliched idea, but a bit more artistic. The mix has some rough patches, lead vox get hot in spots and my timing was off, leading into the bridge. Plus, I'm losing my voice at the end.

Lyrics

I haven't smiled in weeks; I haven't seen the sun in ages

I keep turning pages, but I haven't read a word

Without you, it all seems random and absurd

I haven't sung a single note; all my lyrics dry up in my throat

And this old guitar is out of tune, crying like a cat, at the moon

It disappeared all too soon

Life ain't been easy on me, it keeps piling on the misery

But I could take anything it could dish out; I could take it all

When I knew I had you, had you to come home too (2x)

All that I knew, was that I needed you, I needed you, I needed you

Please understand my dreams have all faded, and I got old and jaded

But none of that mattered, the day I met you all the hurt shattered

I thought I finally found the answer

Now empty bottles clutter the nightstand, there's a photograph clutched in my hand

Tossing and turning I can't sleep tonight, remembering a time when it all was right

When I knew I had you, had you to come home too (2x)

One Drop of Blood
Written in 2006

I found these lyrics that had no music, and I'm not sure exactly when I wrote them. I do recall the idea of it, after accidentally cutting myself and thought of all these millions of cells coming to repair the wound, sacrificing themselves for the good of the body. I expanded upon that and thought, how small we are, how many lives have come and gone over the centuries, and who knew these lives, who remembers, who cares in the here and now?

Lyrics

One drop of blood, the size of a pin

Escaped through a hole in my skin

Hundreds of cells rush to repair the rend

Sacrifice an existence they can't comprehend

One drop of blood on the concrete

I left part of me dying on the hot street

Millions of cells that once thrived in community

Callously forgotten without hostility

Dozens walk past without ever knowing

Hundreds step over this small splash of red

Thousands over years, coming and going

And not one tear in mourning will ever be shed

Chorus - repeat the first 2 lines in the first verse

This Time
Written in February 2002

A song I worked on for years, the chorus was a troubled spot, which I reworked for the recording. I also added a harmonica and harmonies - the changes helped make it a better song. "Pretty mind" comes from MST3K, in the movie "Girl in Gold Boots"

Lyrics

I'm nowhere, a loser, a waste of skin, a misfit

I fall down, I'm flat broke, I fall again, why don't I simply quit

And it's hard to live, but it's harder still to die

And who knows the schemes I'll hatch in my pretty, pretty mind

I might take this opportunity and start it all from scratch

And it could turn out better, this time, it could turn out better, thus time

I toil, and I struggle, I watch dreams sink into sorrow

I fall down, how many more, I've lost score, but I hope for tomorrow

Chorus

But I can't omit, some truths are counterfeit

I receive no benefit, yet still, I swallow this bitter pill

Drink it down, now I've had my fill

Steals the Breath
Started in May, completed June 10, 2010

More an unfinished poem - when I found the "Marry Me Song" on a cassette and heard Brenda's voice and laughter, I completed this one with her in mind. It sums up my feelings of loss, being 50 with no wife or child to come home to - I made my choices and went after my dream, but you gain, and you lose with each choice. 

Melody-wise, I felt it was a bit bland, so I Dylaned up my voice to add color and spice, and it helped liven up the piece, and gave it heart and personality. 

Lyrics

I capture a memory, and curse my unfocused brain

For it renders you incompletely, suffused in watery fog and pain

The signals faint, somethings interfering with the frequency

And it steals the breath from my lungs, steals the words from my tongue

It steals the, steals the, steals the breath from my lungs

But I remember I was happy to know you, happy to live with you

Happy to see that face and hear that voice, and know that I could never live without them

And yet here I am living every pointless day without them

Chorus

But life is fleeting, haven't I learned that yet

So why am I fighting, holding tightly to my regret

When I hear your laughter tumbling from that old cassette

I think about what I gave up, and how there's nothing left

I come home to an empty apartment, and your voice echoes off the walls

Chorus

The Poet's Daughter
Worked on in May, completed on June 13, 2010

I was listening to "Ode to Bobby Joe" and wanted to write a story/conversational number, though I never really got there. 

This was a toughie - while I was okay with the lyrics, the melody was a fright and I struggled week after week trying to get something down. The tempo was off, and the transition to the chorus was never smooth enough. After battling with it, I finally wrote the bridge and the lyrics to the final verse and got to something I could live with. Though it is a brutal number.

The lead harmonica I used was in D. I originally had a harmonica in A for the intro and musical breaks, but it felt too busy and disjointed, so I eliminated them and shortened the song by cutting the intro and outro.

Lyrics
Mamma kept a bottle on the floor by the bed 

She said baby don't worry you're, baby don't worry your silly head
Mama just needs to feel random now and again
Now and again, she needs to take the edge off

And she was the poet's daughter, she was the lamb to slaughter

It was more of the same, she was stuck playing their game

Now baby's taking all the blame, baby's taking all the blame

She was left on grandma's doorstep at the tender age of 10

While mamma went off on her, mamma went off on one of her tangents again

And daddy was AWOL, playing a gig at the Graybar hotel

For doing things, no one talks about

Straightjacketed freelance wailers, she gave into her jailers

Despite her urgent vow, she kneeled before their sacred cow

And was transformed in a stunning display of filth and lies

Now baby's taking all the blame, baby's swallowed by their game

Baby's working angles she learned from those seasoned pros

Mamma taught her everything, daddy taught her everything, everything she knows

And every promise she makes herself, is a promise she breaks herself

But baby believes that she's, baby believes that she's different from them

And she was the poet's daughter, she was the lamb to slaughter

It was more of the same, she was stuck playing their game

Now baby's taking all the blame, baby's taking all the blame

A Father's Song
Written in January 2009

A number I wrote after my father died. The melody sounds like an old, old song I wrote. It was difficult to sing, out of my current range at the time. The word structure works, though I worried it might be too sappy - this was recorded on the quick and it isn't very polished.

Lyrics

When you were a young man and you held us in your arms

Did you ever wonder where this life would take us?

And did you foresee all the happiness and tears

Did you vow that love and laughter would get us through the years?

And when I'd fall, you'd pick me up and then

Kiss my brow and set me off again

You held our tiny hands, and watch us grow

And hope you taught us well when it was time for you to go

When you were an old man and you held us in your arms

I wonder were you proud of us, and the people we'd become

Life ebbs and flows, it's defined by such fragility

And a man asks no more than to leave this world surrounded by his family

And when I'd fall, you'd pick me up and then

Kiss my brow and set me off again

As fathers do, they sacrifice and watch us grow

And hope they've taught us well when it was time for us to go

ZAP!
Written in March 2010

I've never written a song with "Z" as the first word in a title, though I didn't intend to keep it, it was filler until I could come up with something better, but better never came, so "Zap!" It's another one of those things where I have this musical bit floating around, with improvised lyrics. A few months later I come back to it. It's not a favorite, the guitar bit is nice as is the chord structure, but it all winds up a minor number with an obscured lyrical thread that draws from a variety of sources which makes it all unfocused. I added the bridge later while recording. It actually came from an early, early song (long lost), so yeah, it's a patchwork piece.

Lyrics

I know you play more than any girl, you can tell me to get lost, and I'm gone

You can tell me, it's none of my business

And baby, ZAP! You know me off my feet

ZAP! I know where I wanna be, right there in your arms I'm feeling free

You know why I go, when I go, you tell me it's not easy for you

But baby you got all the choice in the world

ZAP! You put on quite a show

ZAP! I got nowhere else to go, there's only you in this entire world

You don't know what you've done to me

Twist me around till I can't see

I never had a name for the pain

Now I know where to place all the blame

Around and Around
Written on August 18, 2009

Created on the fly to pad out the "Atom 12" CD. It's a good grinding piece that's fun and makes me rock in my chair. It's about a woman who spins so many tales that neither she nor I can tell what the truth is anymore.

Lyrics

There was something in your words that night, something I can't define

But as you smiled and crept into my bed, every single word that you said

Spun around and around and around and around

As I sat on your bathroom floor, and read to you a tale of woe

You whispered of conspiracy, that bore the breath of heresy

You spun around and around and around and around

I could not verify if every truth was all a lie

You quickly volunteer to tell me the very thing I want to hear

You spun around and around and around and around and around and around...

Unforgiven
Written on June 21, 210

Totally improvised, another short number written just to fill out time on a CD (like "Song 64" and "Handful of Rain"). It's loud, I poured on the reverb, I love that opening guitar (sounds like a buzzing razor). Lyrics are nonsense, made up on the spot. 

Lyrics

One simple truth, one simple lie

You take it all and I let it slide

You play it all off, one against the other

You play one of us, brother to brother

One more thing to do if we're to break

I'm unforgiven