The collection is a Whitman's sampler of styles, but there was a reason for that, each song had a distinct personality, so I wasn't shooting for uniformity of sound. Also, this is a dark album, with a lot of pain woven throughout. I was getting all the poison out of my system with this one.
I created the cover art (paper cut-outs with pen and ink) the title was a joke (Nashville A&R people were always calling our songs "the product") and I wanted it stamped on the front as if it had been rejected by the studios, but I got talked out of that. The EP was played live at "The End", and the place was packed with friends and co-workers. We were very loud (or so I was told), and as I took the stage it hit me that I was standing where Joey Ramone once stood, which gave me a jolt. Oh, and I wore a small Betty Page button that was given to me before the show (thanks Britney).
Monster
Written on May 8, 2000
Arena rock. I wanted a dramatic sound and pictured Quasimodo in the Church or Frankenstein's monster lumbering about in an old castle as I wrote it. The guitar line added to that feel. It got some radio play in Nashville - Natalie, the Token Rock Chick was the first to play it, on WBUZ 102.9 The Buzz, her special guest that night was the band "Jet Pack" (one of the better rock bands in town at the time) and they made a comment about it being a good Halloween song, I think Natalie mentioned Dracula's castle, lol... I can't describe the exhilaration I felt hearing one of my tunes on the radio for the first time, it was beyond incredible, and I was doing mental cartwheels the entire time it played. A couple of co-workers heard it and thought it was pretty cool as well.
The musicianship across the board was stellar, Goose's lead solo was brilliant. Lyrically it's about being criticized for not being a saint, not fitting in (I keep to myself, and don't read people well, I'm not real comfortable in social situations), so I took that and cast it in a Hammer film (or a Universal Horror, either works)
Lyrics
I'm not perfect, sometimes I'm not very nice
But I'm not a monster, with a heart made of ice
I'm not a misfit, but I don't huger to be on the inside
Kind of idiosyncratic, but you've seen, the tears I've cried
I'm not a Frankenstein, nor a psychopath
I'm not an evil genius, force feeding you my wrath
Yeah, I get depressed can't find success in dreams
Doesn't make me diabolic, with a cellar full of schemes
Sometimes I stumble, but I'm doing the best that I can
I know that I mumble, it makes it hard, for you to understand
But the way I'm attacked, by family and friend
You'd think I was some mad man, leaving scars that never mend
Chorus
And I was outcast, branded a criminal
Yes, I'm far from innocent, but I was only trying to live
how much spilled blood do I have to give?
Allison's Dance
Written in 2000
Gravity
Written in June 2001
I created the cover art (paper cut-outs with pen and ink) the title was a joke (Nashville A&R people were always calling our songs "the product") and I wanted it stamped on the front as if it had been rejected by the studios, but I got talked out of that. The EP was played live at "The End", and the place was packed with friends and co-workers. We were very loud (or so I was told), and as I took the stage it hit me that I was standing where Joey Ramone once stood, which gave me a jolt. Oh, and I wore a small Betty Page button that was given to me before the show (thanks Britney).
Monster
Written on May 8, 2000
Arena rock. I wanted a dramatic sound and pictured Quasimodo in the Church or Frankenstein's monster lumbering about in an old castle as I wrote it. The guitar line added to that feel. It got some radio play in Nashville - Natalie, the Token Rock Chick was the first to play it, on WBUZ 102.9 The Buzz, her special guest that night was the band "Jet Pack" (one of the better rock bands in town at the time) and they made a comment about it being a good Halloween song, I think Natalie mentioned Dracula's castle, lol... I can't describe the exhilaration I felt hearing one of my tunes on the radio for the first time, it was beyond incredible, and I was doing mental cartwheels the entire time it played. A couple of co-workers heard it and thought it was pretty cool as well.
The musicianship across the board was stellar, Goose's lead solo was brilliant. Lyrically it's about being criticized for not being a saint, not fitting in (I keep to myself, and don't read people well, I'm not real comfortable in social situations), so I took that and cast it in a Hammer film (or a Universal Horror, either works)
Lyrics
I'm not perfect, sometimes I'm not very nice
But I'm not a monster, with a heart made of ice
I'm not a misfit, but I don't huger to be on the inside
Kind of idiosyncratic, but you've seen, the tears I've cried
I'm not a Frankenstein, nor a psychopath
I'm not an evil genius, force feeding you my wrath
Yeah, I get depressed can't find success in dreams
Doesn't make me diabolic, with a cellar full of schemes
Sometimes I stumble, but I'm doing the best that I can
I know that I mumble, it makes it hard, for you to understand
But the way I'm attacked, by family and friend
You'd think I was some mad man, leaving scars that never mend
Chorus
And I was outcast, branded a criminal
Yes, I'm far from innocent, but I was only trying to live
how much spilled blood do I have to give?
Allison's Dance
Written in 2000
A gentle folk tune inspired by the book "Second Coming" by Walker Percy. It's centered on these two broken people who don't fit anywhere but with each other. I wanted the melody and the guitar work to be a soft lullaby mantra, the lyrics to be fragmented, and obscurely phrased.
This was a favorite among my pals in Nashville. And I submitted it to a contest that was focused on songs based on literary works. It didn't win, but it was featured on their website for a few years.
Lyrics
Obtuse I collided into this dichotomy
Danced headlong towards Allison's degree
Greenhouses, gold courses, now your set free
I've not found fortune as rich, as thee
Brain fever burning image into stained glass
Fall to my knees in the thick wet grass
Gunfire, wet wire, now clear to see
Allison's childlike wonder, and the dance with reality
The sins of the father visited upon the son
Tears like blood at the end of a gun
Breakdown and breakup, this much is sure
The hunger for God brought you here, to her
Gravity
Written in June 2001
People have called it Bowie-esque. Spacey, dreamlike, explodes with a hook-filled chorus. Jerrod just wailed on those drums. He broke a stick and gave it to me. I wanted to take a picture of it and use it on the back cover... but then we ended up not having a back cover.
Lyrically brutal, and pessimistic to the degree that I couldn't imagine it would appeal to anyone (and forget radio). But I've actually had folks tell me that this song hit them where they lived, that they took comfort in knowing they weren't alone in the dark. Still, it hurts, there is a lot of desperation in it (tell me that I'm loved, that I matter), and a desire to fly away and escape from whatever hells one is struggling with.
Lyrics
Mile and miles, of atmosphere, nothing but freedom, from the fear
Every bubble bursts, it's clear
Every gentle whisper, is burned until it blisters
Every gentle whisper, is burned until it blisters
Break free, from the angry grip of gravity
Break free, from the angry grip of gravity
Gravity
Miles and miles, of broken glass, my feet are bleeding, cut to bone
Every single person dies alone
Every gentle dream, gets beaten till it screams
Every gentle dream, gets beaten till it screams
Chorus
Tell me again that I'm loved, tell me again that I'm needed
Tell me again that I matter, tell me again, tell, tell me again
Break free, from the angry grip of gravity
Break free, from the angry grip of gravity
Gravity, gravity... Which drives its rusty nails, through me
Ophelia
Written on August 8, 2000
This was one that also got on Nashville radio, on two stations. Though one critic didn't care for how it changed tonally, he wanted it to stay a chirpy pop song, but you know what, XTC received that same kind of complaints, so I'm in great company. And there was a point to it.
Now, the aim of the songwriter is to try and create that perfect, and most suitable marriage of words and music, so I wasn't doing anything that radical here, but I was deadly focused on it. I wanted that dichotomy of grave lyric to bouncy Beatles-like music, with slightly off harmonies to match Ophelia's mental state (the off harmony was one vocal track, buried deep in the background).
In the play, Ophelia is happily singing and handing out flowers... that are actually weeds, which eventually takes us to her demise by drowning. So, I wanted the song to open with ominous music, to foreshadow what's to come. Then leap into the pop, it sounds happy, but the words reflect something else. Later I'll return to the darkness, with the guitar solo (though I'm still using the same D - Bm - F#m chords), and that's the part that bothered the critic - but this tune wasn't about being candy for the masses, it was trying to illustrate a state of mind. I too was resisting self-harm, battling clinical depression, so there was that parallel, I drink from the tears in Ophelia's eyes...
Shout out to Russ, loved what he was doing on the bass. And that stairstep guitar lick Terry played at the end was a terrific accent.
Lyrics
And I drink from the tears in Ophelia's eyes
Where realities smile is just a cruel disguise
And God seems indifferent but he holds all the cards
So she breaks into a million glass shards, she breaks into a million glass shards
Ophelia, Ophelia, Ophelia, Ophelia
Life is such a bitter tease
And I drink from the spring where Ophelia lay
She was torn in two, her mind wandered away
And I'm drawn to her pain 'cause I've tasted its kiss
It offered its tongue but I pulled away when I heard the serpent hiss
Chorus
And when I tell you that I love you, it's only because I know you
And I only know you for the madness that we share (2x)
Happy
Written on December 26, 2000
A song born from anger, I called it 'bone-saw rock', it was written the day after Christmas when I received a phone call that my father was in the hospital after being robbed and kicked in the head. It's about my frustration about not being able to do anything to stop all the bastards in the world from being bastards. All I can do is pick up my guitar and scream. That's my only escape, my only place of peace.
It's a straightforward punch to the gut with a sidestep to a Gm chord... I wish I'd gone back and done something to add a little variety, maybe shift the chords for the guitar solo, as the structure is a bit "wash, rinse, repeat". I do like the little touches the band threw in there. Jerrod's hammering drum at the end of one line, and Russ threw in this cool, quick bass riff twice.
Lyrics
Lyrics
Mile and miles, of atmosphere, nothing but freedom, from the fear
Every bubble bursts, it's clear
Every gentle whisper, is burned until it blisters
Every gentle whisper, is burned until it blisters
Break free, from the angry grip of gravity
Break free, from the angry grip of gravity
Gravity
Miles and miles, of broken glass, my feet are bleeding, cut to bone
Every single person dies alone
Every gentle dream, gets beaten till it screams
Every gentle dream, gets beaten till it screams
Chorus
Tell me again that I'm loved, tell me again that I'm needed
Tell me again that I matter, tell me again, tell, tell me again
Break free, from the angry grip of gravity
Break free, from the angry grip of gravity
Gravity, gravity... Which drives its rusty nails, through me
Written on August 8, 2000
This was one that also got on Nashville radio, on two stations. Though one critic didn't care for how it changed tonally, he wanted it to stay a chirpy pop song, but you know what, XTC received that same kind of complaints, so I'm in great company. And there was a point to it.
Now, the aim of the songwriter is to try and create that perfect, and most suitable marriage of words and music, so I wasn't doing anything that radical here, but I was deadly focused on it. I wanted that dichotomy of grave lyric to bouncy Beatles-like music, with slightly off harmonies to match Ophelia's mental state (the off harmony was one vocal track, buried deep in the background).
In the play, Ophelia is happily singing and handing out flowers... that are actually weeds, which eventually takes us to her demise by drowning. So, I wanted the song to open with ominous music, to foreshadow what's to come. Then leap into the pop, it sounds happy, but the words reflect something else. Later I'll return to the darkness, with the guitar solo (though I'm still using the same D - Bm - F#m chords), and that's the part that bothered the critic - but this tune wasn't about being candy for the masses, it was trying to illustrate a state of mind. I too was resisting self-harm, battling clinical depression, so there was that parallel, I drink from the tears in Ophelia's eyes...
Shout out to Russ, loved what he was doing on the bass. And that stairstep guitar lick Terry played at the end was a terrific accent.
Lyrics
And I drink from the tears in Ophelia's eyes
Where realities smile is just a cruel disguise
And God seems indifferent but he holds all the cards
So she breaks into a million glass shards, she breaks into a million glass shards
Ophelia, Ophelia, Ophelia, Ophelia
Life is such a bitter tease
And I drink from the spring where Ophelia lay
She was torn in two, her mind wandered away
And I'm drawn to her pain 'cause I've tasted its kiss
It offered its tongue but I pulled away when I heard the serpent hiss
Chorus
And when I tell you that I love you, it's only because I know you
And I only know you for the madness that we share (2x)
Happy
Written on December 26, 2000
A song born from anger, I called it 'bone-saw rock', it was written the day after Christmas when I received a phone call that my father was in the hospital after being robbed and kicked in the head. It's about my frustration about not being able to do anything to stop all the bastards in the world from being bastards. All I can do is pick up my guitar and scream. That's my only escape, my only place of peace.
It's a straightforward punch to the gut with a sidestep to a Gm chord... I wish I'd gone back and done something to add a little variety, maybe shift the chords for the guitar solo, as the structure is a bit "wash, rinse, repeat". I do like the little touches the band threw in there. Jerrod's hammering drum at the end of one line, and Russ threw in this cool, quick bass riff twice.
Lyrics
I'm only happy when I'm playing my guitar
I'm only happy when I'm tearing at old scars
I'm only happy when I'm, making up this song
That's the only time I feel right, when everything else is wrong
There is no dignity in the whole of this blue sea
It's only you and you against me
I'm only soothed by the storm of a battered drum
I'm only calm in the twisted wreck of a constant strum
I'm only happy when I'm banging my head
I'm only happy when I'm dead
I'm only happy when I'm tearing at old scars
I'm only happy when I'm, making up this song
That's the only time I feel right, when everything else is wrong
There is no dignity in the whole of this blue sea
It's only you and you against me
I'm only soothed by the storm of a battered drum
I'm only calm in the twisted wreck of a constant strum
I'm only happy when I'm banging my head
I'm only happy when I'm dead
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Backstage at "The End" in Nashville
Final thoughts: Despite the depressing lyrical content, working on this EP is one of my happiest memories. Jerrod was not only an incredibly talented musician, producer, and engineer, but a heck of a human being - they all were, they were all a joy to work with and be with. Jerrod, Russ, Terry, and Angela (who did the typography on the cover and got the songs on several websites), we've gone our separate ways, but if y'all somehow see this... thank you.
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Listening to this makes me wish I had a time machine, so I could go back, give myself a hug and say, "it's going to be alright, you're going to get through it."
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