Track 18: The Persistence of Memory

The remaining songs from the Poet's Daughter CD, recorded in March and early April of 2009 - I like these tunes, though some of the playing is terribly sloppy. But I'll get to that in the writes up - The album is a mix of rock, and folk, and I even tried my hand at country.

Note: This is an album collection, just click play to hear them all, or scroll the sidebar to pick an individual track.



Are You Happier Now?
Written on January 5, 2007

I recorded this for the "Delirium" CD but just couldn't nail it then, so I scrapped it. Tried later at home in 2009. I think it's a great song, Delirium producer Wade said his wife liked it. 

Lyrics

What did you gain, what did you get?

What was the prize, I forget?

I thought I was seeing the real you

I had to cut deeper to get through

What was your plan, what was the reason anyhow?

And are you happier now, are you happy now, are you happier now?

You should be proud, take a bow when you succeed

Did it make you smile, to see me bleed

Pre-chorus / chorus

You're a seasoned pro, quite an accomplished act

You took a sad fellow lifted him high then broke his back

Lifted him high then broke his back

Chorus

Bad Penny
Written in June 2006
 

A 'cryin and dyin' country number that I wrote after my divorce came final. It was lost, then found, but I couldn't remember the melody, so I had to come up with that. It's musically similar to... something, either something I wrote or maybe something someone else penned. It feels familiar. Despite the pain of divorce, there's a bit of humor in the lyrics. I still have the original hand-written lyrics, with no chords noted, must have just recoded it from memory.

Lyrics

I'm living here in my brother's basement

I'm sharing a room with a cat

Got no job I was fired my last time at bat

I should probably get up and take a shower

But I don't see any good reason why

I'd rather lay here in bed and cry

You threw me away like I was a bad penny

You decided I wasn't worth the trials

You threw me away like I was a bad penny

And the hell of it is, you're better off my miles

I've been told that all I need is time

But my aging bones don't heal as fast

I break so much easier than I did in the past

No, and I don't know, I don't know, I don't know

I'm not sure if I'll ever find my footing

It's so sweet just closing my eyes and playing dead

Cause if I lift my lids, I'll be forced to see the fading thread

Chorus

Oh, baby baby, it's so calculated an end

I'm shocked at how easy it was torn asunder, crashing like thunder

Happy Ever After
Written in 2008

Little memory of this, a slight number, done for a laugh, one of my silly wishing songs. My playing, and the recording overall is sloppy.

Lyrics

Wish I could be that beautiful girl

Who turns your head and puts the shine on your pearl

And you would love me, and we'd live happy ever after

Wish I could have that beautiful face 

That makes you quiver in your most secret place

And you would want me, and we'd live happy ever after

But I can't break into the dream

I'm all alone, I'm all alone, I'm all alone

Oh, I can't find my happy ever after

I can't find my happy ever after... ever after

Honestly
Written on April 12, 2008

Treads on familiar territory, though it's more a story, while the others were tapping into emotion. Wry sarcastic humor here. I worked hard on the middle eight, the lines about alchemy and amethyst, there's poetry in those words. I kept messing up the guitar solo, but it gives an indication of where I wanted to go. Parts of the backing vocals in the verses don't mirror the primary vocals, they are saying another part of the story, as a kind of Greek chorus if I remember correctly, but those lines are lost, and I can't make out what I'm saying.

Lyrics

I sat here a million miles away

Trying to find just the right thing to say

An hour ago, we were doing so well

Never knowing it would soon go to hell

And now you're out there and you're out of my life

You became a stranger instead of my wife

And I hear you're doing great, that's great that's fine

I'm glad for you, honestly

Now everyone is telling me they knew

This was the path we were fated too

No no I'm just coming apart at the seams

Nothing sadder than a fool with his dreams

And here I was holding on for dear life

You became a stranger instead of my wife

And I hear you're doing great, that's great that's fine

I'm glad for you, honestly

And I'm caged in memory

Spellbound by your alchemy

Cast in candlelight and amethyst 

Yours was the precious smile I couldn't resist

I saw you one day with another guy

You looked so alive, I looked ready to die

I know I found what I was looking for

Cause I've never been right since you walked out that door

Chorus

Just Want to Play My Guitar
Written on September 7, 2005

I wasn't writing very much, nor picking up my guitar. I wrote this before leaving Nashville. It was during marriage counseling when I spoke about my disillusionment with the biz, I couldn't write because I lost what I loved about music - the therapist suggested that this was a good idea for s song, and she was right. The chords came pretty quick to me. The drums make it peppier than I wanted, but I like it. Solid lyrics, fun melody, nice Elvis reference at the end.

Lyrics

It's such a grind to try and read their mind

I'm so tired of wearing this mask

When did my joy become such a terrible task

I force a smile and press the flesh

Push until it leaves a scar

But all I ever wanted was to play my guitar

I don't want to hear no more about rhyme schemes and broken dreams

I don't want to hear no more from the L.A. suits with their perfumed words

Like sickly sweet scented prostitutes

My days are frantic fits, mailing press kits

Trying to sell my soul to that A&R

When all I ever wanted was to play my guitar

Chorus

And I don't want to be a superstar

Shooting out the TV in my solid gold car

When popping pills can only take you so far

I just want to play my guitar

Moment of Truth
Written on January 30, 2008

I was reading a local entertainment rag and they were reviewing a show called "A Moment of Truth", I didn't read the review, but the title struck me, and soon after I was humming the line and eventually wrote the song.

I like the lyrics though they never lead anywhere, they simply repeat the same mantra, "are you lying to me?" The music is country, overlong, I needed to cut it down (maybe one of the lead spots?) but I'm overall happy with it.

Lyrics

I watched from the sidelines, and saw the boy's struck blind

I bore witness as you pulled that string so deft and expertly

Did you do that to me, did you do that to me

Was my love an opportunity to seize, did you use it to bring me to my knees

I thought you meant every word, where you just spinning tales

To tip the scales, to tip the scales

This is your moment of truth; this is your time to come clean

All I ever wanted was your honesty

Can you give that to me, can you give that to me

Can you give me a moment, a moment of truth

Was every tear a seed, planted to distract me from the weeds

Was love only a word, a weapon, how I'd hate to believe

Every smile used to deceive; every smile used to deceive

Chorus

I've got nothing left inside, there's no place left for you to hide

And I've got no place where I can rest my weary eyes

Chorus

Elenore
Written in Jan/May 2002

This was based on the true story of an abused young girl, I can't recall where I saw it, but I was struck and saddened by the piece - she would stay up at night because that's when everyone was asleep and she could find peace, alone, with her music. 

I kept it minimal, the verses are all played in Am. The narrative was unusual, I wrote it from her perspective, first person - I injected my own thoughts, as a narrator in the chorus (and one line before). I had difficulty with the music and worked on it over several months. Some of the details have been lost over time, why I wrote what I wrote, and how they connected to the source material.

Lyrics

Sweet darkness, I'm safe in your womb

From familiar monsters who emerge from their tomb

Oh, sweet darkness I long for your embrace

Oh, sweet darkness, please show your face

I have withered away on the vine

The world is theirs, it's not mine

Day of atonement, I weaken in my resolve

Safe in my room, with my music I evolve

Stay up all night, afraid of the day (2x)

This then is what I saw of her pain

Oh, Elenore, why can't they love you, why can't they love you

Summon the daylight, summon the nightmare

The ones who should love me, are the ones who don't care

I'm too young to know how to cope

They gave me life but left me no hope

Outsiders Like Me
Written in March 2003

I wrote this in a Nashville club, probably the Bluebird, but maybe the Douglas Corner Cafe, while a couple seated in front of me, fawned over each other. I wanted to try and explore the storyteller aspects that were advocated by the local music biz. Nice tune, descriptive prose, maybe a bit much, too flowery, but hey, it was a first attempt at this style. I had too many lyrics for the second verse, so I had to alter the tempo and melody a shade.

Lyrics

Catch a glimpse of auburn hair, kissed gently by the moon's admiring light

Emerald eyes that steal my breath, rose petal lips that brush against the silken night

If you've held her softly in your arms, and felt the sky spin above your head

If envy drew blood cold and blue, because she's loving you in your dreams

But she's loving him in her bed

Tender words scrawled upon a beer-stained napkin

Penned while thick ropes of cigarette smoke cloud my view

Across the crowded bar, I watch as he cups his hand upon her cheek

Chorus

Out here, with fools at their shadow play

Inside, we're aching for the day

The outsiders like me, the outsiders like me (2x)

Chorus

Portland, November 2007
Written on April 3, 2008

Thematically similar to other songs on this blog. I like the descriptive lyrics, the lines about watching her sleep have double meaning (she once asked me to watch over her until she fell asleep + It speaks to me trying to hold onto every moment we had, to appreciate every second because I knew full well it was never going to last).

I liked the tune but I could never get the tempo right, it seemed to drag or lose its way no matter what I did (I was listening to a lot of Neutral Milk Hotel at the time and was inspired by that, I wanted something like that, but kept missing the mark) so as with "Guitar" above I grew frustrated and threw in a pop beat - that solved my tempo problem, but tonally was all wrong for the sober lyrics, an oil and water mix. Still, at the least, I now had a record of it.

Lyrics

She was the girl I can never forget

Inspiring the troubled tears I spill in regret

The smell of her still lingers on my fingertips

The taste of her still echos upon my fevered lips

She was the riddle I could never solve

So I shed my skin and I slowly dissolve

When the sound of her restless voice interrupts my sleep

I would stay up for hours and watch her dream... and watch her dream

The rise and fall of her breast as she took each gentle breath

Each ticking second, bringing something a kin to death, a kin to death

She was the expectation I could not afford to lose

I once gave up hope of rescue when there I found my muse

And when she fell, I feel right with her, in her shame

And when she broke my weary heart, I took all the blame... I took all the blame

The Persistence of Memory
Written on December 30, 2007 - Ironically, I have no memories to share - Am, Em chords, capo on the 3rd fret

Lyrics

I see your pretty face, haunting me every place I go

I can never be free, the persistence of memory

3 am Saturday and I'm starring at the ceiling

I'd like to block out, everything that I'm feeling

Tried to get out tonight, and find myself a new friend

Chorus

God knows I've tried to move on

Tried to accept that you are gone

But I can't find myself in another dream but this one

And I know that it's a fool's game, that has left me broken and lame

Huddle in ashes and going nowhere, as you move on without me

Chorus