The original demo doesn't have a lot on it that I want to share (Katarina was included in an earlier post), and the tunes, for the most part, didn't really fit the image. So, I'm reappropriating the name and image for this collection of songs I wrote from 1980 to 2007. These tracks were tacked on to the "Rocket Fuel" EP, which I'll post later.
Wendy
Lyrics written in 1982, music rewrites done on May 6, 2009
The original music was a direct lift from Lennon's "Julia" and composed when I was working for my uncle in a tiny Idaho town. I was on the beach one day when this apparition of mind-numbing beauty emerged from the lake, she was like Venus born from the foam of the sea. The original song was about her - in 2009 I reworked the music and played a nice little lead spot. Lyrically I kept the water imagery and such, but keyed in a different narrative. I attempted to excise the sap, though some of the original cliche's remain. One bit of confusion, I have written down "like moonlit diamonds on the surface of the sea", but I sang something different (which I'll post in the lyrics) which I believe is saying the moons reflection on the waves, looks like diamonds. Not sure which one I preferred back then, or if either one is any great shakes.
Lyrics
Wendy your eyes are shining, like the moon is a diamond on the surface of the sea
And though you pull back in the shadows, I catch your reflection dancing on the waves
The restless breeze whispers your name... Wendy
The waters mist lines your check, but Wendy they look like tears
Wendy, they look like tears
Silhouettes won't be speaking; these effigies play out their pantomimes
Wendy wears a cloak of midnight sky, and holds onto me tightly
She knows we're out of time
Chorus
Sonja
Lyrics written 1980, music rewrites done on May 5, 2009
In visiting older tunes, I was struck by how overly sentimental and melodramatic they were, and that's the case here. A minor number, never played on stage. On the re-write: After listening to the finger picking style of Bert Janish, I thought I'd give that a whirl, I ditched the original, draggy chorus, I took the lyrics from the secondary verses, rewrote the music and made them the chorus. Some of the harmonies, and guitar picking is off, but overall, I turned an ugly duckling into a swan.
Lyrics
You're in my thoughts every night and day
You're in every song I write
And every feeling passed through in all I say
Comes in dreaming of tonight
Yes, I know I've dreamed of many before, and though dreaming left me empty
I'll risk the pain, the sorrow once more, hoping this dream becomes reality
Sonja
But I shall continue and hope for the future
And hold you in my silent passion
Though the meaning may be a little unsure
I need you in any way or fashion
And if all goes true and well, you'll be by my side
And the past, oh I'll never dwell, it's just a new path that I'll ride
Sonja
Hearts Are Breaking
Written in 1990
I don't remember much of anything about this one, I think it was just one of those, "sit back and jam" types. I recall chuckling and digging the "hearts breaking in 3" line, signifying that it was worse than the usual 'breaking in two' you'd hear in other tunes (plus, I needed the rhyme)
Lyrics
Hearts are breaking, breaking tonight
Hearts are breaking, all over the world
You say the right one can set your heart free
But my angels breaking my heart in three
Hearts are breaking, breaking tonight
Someone's crying, crying for love
Someone's shaking their fist to the sky above
You say you're lucky you found the right one
But my angel's love is like a loaded gun
Hearts are breaking, breaking tonight
Ready, aim, fire!
Hearts are breaking, breaking tonight
Hearts are breaking, all over the world
You say there's plenty of fish in the sea
But there's no one out there for me
Hearts are breaking, breaking tonight
A Darkness More Than Night
Written in March 2007
Content warning: Suicide - The title came from one of Michael Connelly's Harry Bosch novels. Written the night I was contemplating suicide, when she called and interrupted me. She talked me out of it, told me how it would hurt her if I did it, that held me off for a week. This was about how overwhelmed I was; I couldn't think straight, I couldn't get myself to fight back... It was a darkness beyond any I'd known.
I liked the arrangement and chord structure, though my vocals are too hot on this demo (I recommend listening to it on headphones, as I would the others on this blog). The poem at the end? Butterflies refer to butterfly bandages.
Note: If you are suffering, having these same thoughts, there are people who can help, there is hope, please contact the... mentalhealthhotline.org or Lifeline (988lifeline.org)
Lyrics
I don't want to be the author of your sorrow
Note: If you are suffering, having these same thoughts, there are people who can help, there is hope, please contact the... mentalhealthhotline.org or Lifeline (988lifeline.org)
Lyrics
I don't want to be the author of your sorrow
But I don't know how to face another tomorrow
Everything hurts, everything hurts
And I don't know if I can bear another tear
Everything hurts, everything hurts
And I don't know if I can bear another tear
I can't live a life choking on disappointment and fear
I am dying, I am dying, and it's too late, it's too late, I feel it's too late for salvation
And when love's cold, it's cold to the bone
And when life is cold, it's cold to the bone
And I am so alone
There are people who say you can will away the sadness
But they've never peered deep into the mouth of my madness
It's so unreal, it's so unreal, and I can't tell you how the darkness feels (4x)
(whisper) Cut it away, cut it away, as razor kisses skin
Butterflies rest upon my arm, expose my deadly sin
Shane, My Heart
Written February 23, 2007
The title signifies the conversational tone of the material. This was a standard chord arrangement; I added the spoken word using a tinny sounding tape recorder. Though we have a Shane in the family, this refers to a woman I knew who changed her name several times, at this point, she was Shane. I don't often use F-bombs, but here's one, unnecessary, but it made me chuckle, so I kept it in. I messed up the drum track, it ran short, so I had to rewrite the guitar solo, and it actually works better.
Lyrics
I couldn't stop my heart from falling (sang "bleeding"), it had a will of its own
I tried to talk some sense into it, but I blew it, I blew it
I said it was impossible, I know it was impossible
But Shane, it wouldn't listen, it seems my hearts a fool for the pain
I said it was impossible, I know it was impossible
But Shane, it wouldn't listen, it seems my hearts a little insane
Shane, my heart would not give up, it refused to be denied
And now it lays here in ruins, as I cried, I cried
Chorus
And what can a man do? I knew I was lost the moment I met you
Chorus
Song 64
Written on May 16, 2009
I had some room at the end of the demo CD, so I threw together this number, off the cuff. It's Dylan-esque, and I could have expanded it beyond the 36 seconds, but the lyrics complete a circle at the end, it didn't need to say more. The title was simply the default title the 16-track recorder gave it.
Lyrics
The first time she knelt down, to whisper in my ear
The words were crystal clear, and I shot to the stratosphere
And my reaction was quite severe, and I began to fear
Exactly what occurred, sometimes I curse the word, she first spoke in my ear
I am dying, I am dying, and it's too late, it's too late, I feel it's too late for salvation
And when love's cold, it's cold to the bone
And when life is cold, it's cold to the bone
And I am so alone
There are people who say you can will away the sadness
But they've never peered deep into the mouth of my madness
It's so unreal, it's so unreal, and I can't tell you how the darkness feels (4x)
(whisper) Cut it away, cut it away, as razor kisses skin
Butterflies rest upon my arm, expose my deadly sin
Shane, My Heart
Written February 23, 2007
The title signifies the conversational tone of the material. This was a standard chord arrangement; I added the spoken word using a tinny sounding tape recorder. Though we have a Shane in the family, this refers to a woman I knew who changed her name several times, at this point, she was Shane. I don't often use F-bombs, but here's one, unnecessary, but it made me chuckle, so I kept it in. I messed up the drum track, it ran short, so I had to rewrite the guitar solo, and it actually works better.
Lyrics
I couldn't stop my heart from falling (sang "bleeding"), it had a will of its own
I tried to talk some sense into it, but I blew it, I blew it
I said it was impossible, I know it was impossible
But Shane, it wouldn't listen, it seems my hearts a fool for the pain
I said it was impossible, I know it was impossible
But Shane, it wouldn't listen, it seems my hearts a little insane
Shane, my heart would not give up, it refused to be denied
And now it lays here in ruins, as I cried, I cried
Chorus
And what can a man do? I knew I was lost the moment I met you
Chorus
Song 64
Written on May 16, 2009
I had some room at the end of the demo CD, so I threw together this number, off the cuff. It's Dylan-esque, and I could have expanded it beyond the 36 seconds, but the lyrics complete a circle at the end, it didn't need to say more. The title was simply the default title the 16-track recorder gave it.
Lyrics
The first time she knelt down, to whisper in my ear
The words were crystal clear, and I shot to the stratosphere
And my reaction was quite severe, and I began to fear
Exactly what occurred, sometimes I curse the word, she first spoke in my ear
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