Track 17: The Next Exit

My search through old cassettes unearthed a couple of goodies, and along with those, I added newer tunes for this demo, which was recorded in August of 2009. Other songs from this collection can be found on other pages - Tracfone - as well as The Night This Town Died, and Lifeblood (both of which are heard on Embryo 1980)

Note: This was collected in album form, so all you need do is hit play and it will go through the entire CD, or use the bar at the side to scroll down and click on an individual tune to hear it.

 

Where You Goin' Raggedy Andy?

Written on August 1, 2009

Musically it was inspired by the Everly Brother's "Bye Bye Love" - I wanted to try that kind of guitar strum, and while testing it out I improvised a few odd lyrics, which I restructured and folded into the final mix. 

I read an interview with Keith Richards where he spoke about how he wrote lyrics, how he'd leave out parts of the story, and remove every other line, creating a sense of obscure poetry. I attempted that here and elsewhere on the disc, and it was an interesting experiment. 

BTW - the title on the sheet music was "Raggedy Andy", but on the CD it was "Raggedy Ann" - I've used them both, and you can call it whatever you prefer. 

Lyrics

And I'm here by the wayside when you're glowing

I am just a dog chasing its own tail

It's all right to be dying if you know the path you're trying, is where you're going

It's all right to be needy, if you got nothing it's not greedy

To want what you spent a lifetime searching for

And I'm here by the fireside where your glowing

I am just a dog who's found a place to rest

It's all right to be fearin', when everything your hearing, takes all your best

It's all right to be content when you know she's heaven-sent

Ah, an angel in disguise, the devil's right before your eyes

Where you goin' raggedy Andy, where you goin'

Where you goin' raggedy Ann, when your gone

Where you goin' raggedy Andy, where you goin'

Where you goin' raggedy Ann, when your gone

Misery

Originally written in 2007, rewrites were done on August 2, 2009

I found this while combing through tapes, the melody was slow but held some interest, the words however were riddled with cliches, so while I kept the title (used like a name, but actually reflecting her state of mind), I rewrote the rest (using the Richard's method, which obscures the connection between the first and 3rd verses, with the second). 

Inspiration came from two sources - one was John Sandford's novel "Heat Wave" in which the protagonist is in bed with a gal, and he makes the statement that women don't know how beautiful they are, not really / and a moment in my life when a woman was pointing out her physical flaws, and I'm trying to tell her that's all nonsense, that she's beautiful, but she thought I was feeding her a line.... she didn't understand and I couldn't explain it clearly.

The line "Misery, fills the silence with serenity" is one of my personal favorites, I'm awfully proud of that one. The ending is simply beautiful.

I like the slide guitar, though my playing is sloppy. The tempo is laid back but emotional with an appealing, dreamy atmosphere. Structurally it's unusual as it never finds a chorus, or returns to the original verse, it's goes from one path to the next, to the next. The primary key shifting as well, from Em, to Bm to G. 

Lyrics

Misery doesn't know how beautiful she is

It's not rose blush and dim light, sweet talk or white wine

No words I can find, can offer sight to the blind

And that blithe innocence is beauty in itself

You won't give away, any secrets this day

And I can't take the strain, I can feel my strength wane

If we fell from grace, blundered into empty space

It's because we could only see, what the moment would bear

Misery, fills the silence with serenity

Misery, cannot see

She cannot see, the aching beauty

Black

Written on January 20, 2002, updated on August 9, 2009

Musically this one fought me, 7 years later I decided to wrap the words around Indian drums in hopes that might spark inspiration. Lyrically it was based on a poem by Sylvia Plath; the idea of opening and closing eyes, life and death. Only I reversed the idea, she wanted to keep her eyes open and see the beauty, in mine, I wanted to keep my eyes closed and escape the pain.

Lyrics

Close my eyes and the world fades to black

Lift my lids and it blooms back to life

Close my eyes and it can seem

Merrily, merrily, my suffering's all a dream

Fade into black, fade into black

Close my eyes and the pain fades to black

Lift my lids and it blooms back to life

Close my eyes and I disappear

I'm made of glass, I'm shiny and clear

Black, live in the black

I'm a ghost (I walk among men) unseen and numb

Naked in thorns, heart in chains, soul in barbed wire, my earthly remains

Shrouded in black... black... black

Close my eyes and the world fades to black

Lift my lids and resumes the attack

Close my eyes, I can swim in the black

Slippery and cold I might never come back

Fade into black, live in the black, live in the black

Ghost

Written on August 10, 2009

If Black draws from Plath, Ghost pulls straws from Dylan Thomas, the opening line is a nod to Love in the Asylum (A stranger has come, to share my room in the house not right in the head) and "The grievers grieve" comes from Ceremony After a Fire Raid. I also liked how the way he wove words - the colorful use of language that could bring images or feelings to life, and make them tangible. I wanted to bring that element, or at least attempt it.

Before that, I was scribbling nonsense on a paper plate and became frustrated with my feeble attempts to pen a song. This became my Nowhere Man so to speak, and in the morning, I wrote about the validity of my beliefs, how weightless my words were, how easy they crumble, and how ephemeral this life was. 

And that became the impetus, after that the lyrics came, as illustrative, personality snapshots rather than traditional narratives, each a reflection of myself (the baby, the judge, etc). The music cycles through the same chord structure, like a haunted mantra. The instrumentation was sparse, the voice, builds, though I lacked the range required. The recording's a bit rough around the edges, but that's par for the course.

Lyrics

There's a ghost in the room, there's a shadow on the wall 

There's a stranger in my bed, a sickly pallor on the pall

There are truths to garner, there's a truth to lay waste

Here lies skeletal unrest, a disturbing lack of scent of taste

There's a line struck through each word, there's a verdict handed down

There's a life sentence served, and a scream that leaves no sound

There's an apparition in the mirror, there's a lie hanging on my tongue...

masking itself as truth. A lack of presence in my lung

There's a man who has no bone, no fleshy sinew or meat

Who is stung by the barrenness, the stagnant vastness of deceit

There's an innocent in ashes, there a baby in the well

Who leaves black roses to mark the spot where dear Orpheus fell

As the griever grieves, he offers himself no reprieve.

Nashville

Written in February 2001, updated in 2009

This was a crap melody with solid lyrics. Even my wife at the time thought the chorus was corny. After several failed attempts to fix it, I stored it away where it was forgotten. While recording this CD I sat down with it again and played it as a ballad instead of a rocker and expunged the chorus entirely, making the last line in the first verse the chorus. This turned the entire piece around and I feel it's one of the strongest tracks on the disc. 

I do sing the wrong word again (night, instead of light). 82 to 24 refers to the interstate highways, leaving Yakima, and arriving at Nashville. The Dr. was a therapist I was seeing at the time for depression, and she gave me the push to make the move (the things I wanted I couldn't get in a small city). Working the 9 to 12 refers to the hours playing a gig

Lyrics

Tell the doctor I've packed my bags, I'm rolling out by Tuesday light

I've been underground and I've taken it as far as it will go

82 says she'll take me to 24

And I've never gone that far before

No, I've never gone that far before

Strap the 6 string across my shoulder

I walk in blind but never felt better

Tell the boss I gotta break off, I'm working the 9 to 12

Baptize me in this wall of sound, I'm standing on holy ground

And I've never gone that far before

No, I've never gone that far before

And when I tell you that I saved my life today

That's because I took a step to where the music always plays

Repeat first verse

Make Believe World

Written on August 8, 2008

The exact date I wrote this is unclear, but the original lyrics were scribbled on a copy of a report from my job, and that's the date on the paperwork. This was a pop tune I played around with and then set aside. I found it in a pile of paper and rescued it from oblivion. 

The backstory? I was having these vivid dreams of an idyllic life with the woman of my dreams, mostly mundane events, but so much happier than gray reality. It reminds me of the Twilight Zone episode, "Willoughby" (which I name drop in an early number, Playing with Fire). I like the phrasing of the words; however, I didn't like how abruptly it ends in the recording.

Lyrics

I live in a world of my own creation

Forged in the heat of my imagination

You wear out rings and carry our child

There's a white picket fence, a dog and two cars

Most people find love interchangeable, lose one and merely plug in another

Most people go through people like candy, most people find a way to move on

But not me

I come home from work, and you greet me with a kiss

Though nothing here is real what could be better than this

I'd rather live in my make-believe word

Then spend an hour in the world as it is

'Cause all that I find there is loneliness

All that I find there is you without me

Jessie

Written on March 23, 2007

This is the first song I wrote after leaving the psychiatric hospital. I was a complete mess, shell shocked and thrown back into the world when I wasn't ready. The only sanctuary I had was music.

The original lyrics were a rambling novel. And while I went back and polished those up, I still felt it was too maudlin. I abandoned it and re-worked everything I had into the much more successful Working on Puzzles. I recorded this version for the CD because I thought there was enough decent there to warrant saving it. I'm glad I did because in hindsight in a solid number, I especially like the sad sounding "I don't know why" sections

Lyrics

It felt like a part of me had broken away

She came and taped up the pieces as best she could

And kept the nightmare from spilling inside

And I don't know why, I don't know why, I don't know why

She didn't even know me

I tried to hide the angry marks upon my wrists

I wanted to be left alone in my misery

She sat at my empty table

Smiled and said hello

And I don't know why, I don't know why, I don't know why

She didn't even know me

She was the quiet type, just like me

She kept to herself, usually

She who fought with her voices

Jessie lives in a world apart from mine

I don't know if I'll ever see her again

But I'll always remember her kindness in my darkest night

And I don't know why, I don't know why, I don't know why

She didn't even know me

Man of Steel

Written on August 3, 2009

The lyrics spell it out, I was bored, I was heartbroken, it was a boiling hot evening, too warm to fire up the stove, so instead of cooking a cake, I was lying on the floor eating frosting with my fingers and wondering what to do with myself... so I wrote about what I was doing at that very moment.

In the morning I composed a simple 3-chord melody around it, with a driving, distorted guitar, and bass. I played delay on the primary vocals, filtering them through "radio 3" (for that tinny sound - though in hindsight I should have gone with radio 1, as 3 is too muddy... muddy radio 3 was also heard in the next number, to its detriment).

Lyrics

I'm lying on the floor, it's dark

My clothes are wadded up in the corner

There's a can of strawberry frosting at my side

I lick my fingers clean as "El Dorado" plays on the TV

I'm not following the plot... I hear bullets scream

Bullets scream, bullets scream

I'm no laconic John Wayne, I'm no man of steel

Everything I feel I feel

I'm wallowing in it; I'm swallowing all of it

But if I get over her, she's gone

If I get over her, she's gone, if I get over her, she's gone, if I get over her, she's gone

I'm no man of steel, no man of steel

Somnambulant 

Written on August 8, 2009

I was in a creative rut, so I wrote about being in a rut (this reminds me of The Window) - After I wrote the music, it was apparent that the lyrics wouldn't fit, I couldn't squeeze them into the measures, so I had to split them in half. The last 2 lines in the 1st verse are actually connected to the first 2 lines in the 2nd verse (The idea: I go to the door, don't movie, life passes me by, and I feel regret).

I tried out several musical styles for this, even a reggae piece that never worked, so I scrubbed it all and went back to formula. I was shooting for Hendrix (but later noticed that the drum sounded like Zeppelin). I didn't use the bass as a lead, as I'd sometimes do, and went old school, following the drum to create a steady beat. Production was really muddy, unfortunately.

Lyrics

This was everything, and this was nothing

Through a window I see them pass by

All those pink faces, turning to the sky

I head to my door, but I don't have anywhere to go

Day turns to night, turns to morn...

Ahhh, ahhhh, ahhhh, I turn over to sleep

This was everything, and this was nothing

I gather together an armful of regret

And wonder why I never took a step

Insignificance on a rocket to the moon

I have no destination, but I'd like to get there soon

Ahhh, ahhhh, ahhhh, I turn over to sleep again