The Embryo Files: 1981-85

Last group, mostly ballads - other surviving songs from this time period... Wendy (on Wednesday's Child page), The Window (on Wednesday Again page), and Whisper Goodbye (which is sappy crap I won't be sharing)

Modern Girl
Written in 1981
Another discovery on a cassette. This cool, catchy tune sounds a bit like the 1965 era Beatles. The words are sometimes confusing, it's about a naive girl who thinks she knows it all, but -as I often did in songs from that period- there are lines that contradict the theme. The lyric about "microscopic vision" would indicate that she closely examines all the fine points and isn't naive at all. I probably kept it in because I liked the sound of it - hell, I should have just made it a positive - she's modern, talented and wise. 

In recording it, I played it a shade slower than I used to. 

Lyrics - Words in red indicate how I'd rewrite it today
She knows where she's going, she knows where she's been

She's thoroughly modern, though her parents think it's a sin

She hears the words, but she doesn't understand their meaning (and digs deep into their meaning)

She's a modern girl, in a modern world, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

She sees things in microscopic vision, she's open to any fad (and isn't easily had)

She'll take in any new ideas, and doesn't stop to wonder if she's been had (but isn't dazzled by the fad)

Chorus

She believes all their stories, acts liberal but is so naive 

This girl should read between the lines, cause she's so easy to deceive

(She has talent and perception; she has beauty in her soul

She's comfortable in her skin, she's playfully in control)

 

My Heart Goes Out
Written in 1981

A lot of my early songs have either been forgotten, or were garbage and needed forgetting, but this was not a bad number. With a straightforward C-F-G chord progression, it's not in any way groundbreaking in any way, but it's one that stayed with me. Who was it written for? In 1981, Julie maybe? Or maybe it was just me pulling from my imagination and this was a made-up scenario.

Voice was too hot at the end; don't know why I didn't catch that.

Lyrics

I know, what you're saying

I know the rules of the game you're playing

But I love you, I need you

My heart goes out

I know, you think you need him

But I've seen you try to hold back the hurt

He can't love you, like I love you

My heart goes out

Can't you see, love doesn't have to bring sadness

Look my way and together we can get through all this madness  

We could survive, just don't deny

My heart goes out

Repeat first verse 

 

Julie
Written in 1981

A minor number riddled with cliches, but I was still a baby songwriter, so these things happen. The 'cards' line came from my father when I cried on his shoulder the night I threw in the towel.

Lyrics

I see you every day, it's getting so, that I can't push the hurt away

On the outside I smile, but I'm dying inside, and there's no place I can hide

I've waited so long, for something right, cause everything else felt wrong

When I saw you, I sensed that these feelings were unique, but of love I can't speak

Julie, you've got yourself another, but I still wonder if we could have been one

Julie, I knew the cards were stacked against me, but I just couldn't fight what felt so right

Can't you see

The changes you brought in me were apparent from the start

From the first moment I laid eyes on you I'd already given away my heart

Our Love
Written in 1982

Hmm, why did I write this, who was I seeing, Min, maybe? Or maybe it was just some random idea that came to me (sure wish I'd have started a song diary from day 1). A nice sounding folk tune, nonetheless, all in major chords.

Lyrics
If you never needed my love, then why'd you call me over here

What is it that you fear, it's not a crime, to want me near

If our love was all a lie, why do you sit and cry

You said you wanted to spread your wings and fly, but you can't deny

Yes, I've heard the old saying

Better to have lost at love than never to have loved at all

But you were too busy playing, to be prepared for the fall

You say it was all a mistake, we were too lost in ourselves

But I thought we gave more than we'd take, and for me that wasn't something to forsake

Still, you turn away, tell me you've got nothing to say

But one cold lonely night you'll learn

How the emptiness can burn



Angel
Written in 1984

I wrote this at age 23. I ached for this perfect love but could never find it. This was idealized, saccharine and youthful romanticism with a pleasant melody. I could never find the right word to close the 4th verse - a woman named Jenny Green, who was a college mate of our sometimes bassist, came in to sing during a rehearsal, and she came up with the word "paradise", I liked that and I kept it in.

Lyrics

Perhaps I'd really fallen when I first saw your eyes

A tug of the heart silently calling a look to mesmerize

Promised myself long ago not to set myself up for the fall

But obsessions you put in me, your always in my mind

And in my dreams, I'm calling

Angel, can you hear my heart

Cause I can't take this pace much longer

Angel, what more can I do

Cause I keep falling, I keep falling for you

Perhaps I'd really fallen when I first saw your smile

So please don't you leave me, won't you stay for a while

I would take your hand and lead you tenderly

To a faraway place in our hearts

a world all our own, paradise

Chorus (2x)    

The "Marry Me" Song

Written in 1985

This was missing for over 25 years and existed only in my memory. The creation date is speculative, it could have been '84 to '86, but '85 feels right to me. I finally found it on an old cassette, and while there was a lot of hiss, I could make it out, and after some difficulty, I was able to recreate the notes (I had the guitar tuned to a low D and was playing it 2-string -Blackbird- style).

It was nice hearing it, and our playful banter, again... while she said no to the proposal, she wanted me to record it. So, on the tape I introduce the song by dedicating it to the most beautiful and talented woman in the world, etc, etc.... she calls me a bullshitter, so after a pause, I say "Stevie Nicks", and then broke into the Log Cabin syrup jingle, which made her laugh and laugh. I start again, only she does the introduction this time, the song had no title, but she gives it one on the spot... "The "Marry Me" Song". Hearing that, and rediscovering the song really hit my heart, and made me smile.

Lyrics 

I caress your cheek, smell the fragrance in your hair

You don't have to speak, to let me know you care

I pull you close, taste your lips

I long for your embrace, no distance can erase, the love I have for you

Oh, and I don't need the moonlight, or the stars above

And words can only cage, the meaning of our love

When you say you love me, I know it's true

I can see it in your eyes, and I can feel the warmth in you

Oh, and I could speak for hours, and never could convey

The emptiness I feel when you're away

We will love, forever, this I see

I want you in my life, oh, Brenda, won't you marry me

I Only Want to Be with You

Written in 1985

This was discovered on the same tape as "The "Marry Me" Song", unfinished, sounding like something from the 60s, simple, but I liked what I heard and decided to finish it. I don't know what my original intent was, but I whipped up a quick story song about a guy who can't find the right words to tell a gal that he loves her, at the end, it's her who reveals her love. There's an old-fashioned sweetness to it that I like (especially when I'm usually such a pessimist)

Lyrics

When I look in your eyes, Oh I find such sweet surprise

Cause I only want to be with you

All the rhymes I avoid, curse the cliches I've employed

Trying to find ways just to be with you

All the words hung up on my tongue, all the stupid songs I've sung

Trying to impress you, I only depress you, with what a stumbling fool I am

What my clumsy lips and silly quips, are trying to let slip

Is that I only want to be with you

When I look in your eyes, Oh I find such sweet surprise

Cause I only want to be with you

All the words hung up on my tongue, all the stupid songs I've sung

Trying to impress you, I've only depressed you, with what a stumbling fool I am

In the midst of defeat, you take my hand and smile so sweet

And you tell me you only want to be, you tell me you only want to be

You tell me you only want to be with me