Track 24: Argle Bargle

A few random tracks recorded here and there, written between 1998 and 2010 - some are improvised, a few done on the quick, some created with effort - there's a novelty, a lark, a quarrel, an experiment, and a Jesus song.

I paid a dollar for the cover image, but when I attempted to change the background, it balked and wouldn't allow me the image anymore -bastards! I had to pay another dollar... so there you are, the $2 "Argle Bargle" cover.

 

Your Pretty Mouth
Written on June 12, 2010

This was one of my experimental songs, where I lay down the drum track first and wrap the chords around it and then come up with a melody and lyrics, kind of backward from how I traditionally do it. I blindly pressed a random letter when the recorder asked for a title, I hit the letter “P” and then tried to come up with a title, I smiled when I thought of "Pleasure Mouth", which came from a riff in MST3K. So, I thought to myself, "go ahead smart ass, let's see you write a song around that!" (I ultimately found it too absurd and changed the title).

I made several unsuccessful stabs with the music and erased several chord progressions before I hit on one I felt I could work with. Lyrically I thought of all the beautiful things a mouth could do, sweet talk, kiss, etc, etc.

I wanted it to sound a bit psychedelic and garage band – the guitars/bass were distorted, my voice was put through a heavy reverb and filtered through “Radio 1” FX. I then triple-tracked the vocals, and on the 3rd track, I removed the reverb to try and facilitate clarity. The song originally ran twice as long, but I’d run out of steam and was just noodling and going off on chord tangents, so I cut it in half at that point and did the fade out, with some tapping on muffled bass strings to close it.

Lyrics

And your words give me pleasure, your words give me pain

And your words drive like a nail to the very heart of my brain

It's on the tip of your tongue, it's on the tip of the iceberg

It's at the top of my mind, it's gonna strike me blind

Ahhhhhh, your pretty mouth, ahhhhh, your pretty mouth

Your lips taste like lightening, your lips are the undertow

Your lips taste like absinthe, your lips are the afterglow

Your psychobabble, is like a breath of fresh air

I listen to every word, as if we really care

Ahhhhhh, your pretty mouth, ahhhhh, your pretty mouth

It takes me out, out, out, out...

Break me, forsake me, tell me things I want to hear

It's at the top of my mind, it's gonna strike me blind

Ahhhhhh, your pretty mouth, ahhhhh, your pretty mouth

It blows my mind

Monkeys In This Zoo
Written on July 17, 2002

A goof written about and for the people I worked with at the theater, it was a throwaway I never intended to record, but then I went ahead and gave it a shot - changed up the rhythm and melody on the chorus a hair. It's okay, nice to have it saved. (Note: I forgot to sing a verse about Seth, but this works out better), Chords circle around F#, E and B.

Kelali was Kelly, for some reason she put Kelali on her nametag as a joke and kept it like that. The first verse is about Tiffany, a cool, smart gal (she was studying marine biology) who had a scar down the side of her face. Her boyfriend was very tall... Andrew and I used to say/sing "GIGANTOR" every time we saw him.

Lyrics

There's a girl I know who's dating a giant, and he stands over 60 feet tall

And when she was a kid, she had a cat who cut her, now she swears vengeance on them all

There's this other girl I know, she makes fun of all the weirdos, and she digs Betty Page

She's always laughing and she's just one of the people who are locked up with me in this cage

What else can we do, they pay us to stay in this zoo

What else can we do, where just monkeys in this zoo

There's this other girl I know and her name might be Kelali, and she is the bomb

And this other guy I know, perchance it seems, he's always going to movies with his mom

Chorus

And David likes my music, and Andrew digs his car

And Von likes to hide, but Amber never lets him get far



Leave Me Alone

Written on April 27, 2000

Angry song, originally collected on Life Model Decoy... I was feeling picked on, judged at the time, and was venting, letting off steam. The tune chugs away on the same 4 chords (with an E thrown in to change it up). I attempted to re-do the vocal track several times but wound up sticking with the first.

Lyrics

Leave me alone

Stop placing your meaning upon my lips

I mean what I say

Why do you think you can crawl in my mind and decipher it better than I

 

Who the hell are you

When have I ever seen you walk on water?

You set yourself upon the judgment seat

Looking down on me    

Don't you have a life of your own

You're attempts to run mine are just a confusing charade

Are your days so empty

You feel the need to fill them raining on my parade

You say, "not my man, with my very fingers, brick by brick I'll rip it apart"

No, it may not hang on the walls, but it's there within the heart

Oh little saint, oh little sister

Your life ain't so quaint, I've seen it bleed and blister

So clean up your own backyard, stay the hell out of mine

And leave me alone

Leave me alone



Always There

Written in 1998

From an uncharitable angry song to a Christian one (and a duet with Jesus, lol). a catchy pop number I wrote while renting the basement apartment in my parent's house, just before the move to Nashville. I couldn't remember the vocal on the bridge, so I winged it for the recording. 

Lyrics

When I walked alone in the night

    You were never far from my site

When I was cast adrift by the tide

    I never left your side

When I was afraid that I'd lost you

    Be not afraid I was always there

When they bared their claws for attack

    I felt the sting on my back

When I was enslaved by sin

    I felt the nails in my skin

When I was afraid that I lost you

    Be not afraid I was always there

So where are you - Why can't you see

When I'm broken in pain - There I am at Calvary

Do you have eyes of flesh - The truth of that can't be denied

How do I know you really care - Come touch the wounds in my hands and side

When I find life a little unfair

    Remember how much I care

Feeling I deserve a bit more

    Remember the crown I wore

When I was afraid that I lost you

    Be not afraid I was always there

Always there, I was always there...

Star Girl

Written on March 8, 2010

I had room at the end of the LMD CD, so I improvised a song on the quick. It's a kind of bookend to Miss Marvel. It could use some work to smooth out the rough edges, but for now, here it is in its original form. Capo on 5th fret

Lyrics

Hey Star Girl, I watched you from afar

I've seen you come apart, and it never fails to break my heart

Star Girl, seeing you on the stage, under their watchful gaze

They don't see a thing you know, you're something incomplete

Star Girl, you light up the milky way, and there's not a single day

When I don't marvel at that memory

Star Girl, dressed in a uniform of midnight blue

I swear I never saw anything, cast a light so true

And Star Girl, I thrill when I see you work your magic

It's really quite tragic

The way you fell from the obsidian sky

How I dream of seeing you fly

Like you used to do, like you used to do

Track 23: Variants

On occasion you're so close with a song, you like the concept, the sound or lyrics in sections, but as a whole it's not... quite... there. "April's Fool" (a version of it can be found on Last Songs) was the most troublesome example of this. A year's long battle, which resulted in several lyrical re-writes and numerous musical and melodic variations. This blog entry will put the spotlight on several variants for 3 numbers.

I Hate Valentine's Day
There are 3 versions of this number that I designated, "Original", "Extra Crispy" and "1.5 (Short Version)". I was wrestling with the original, when, to relax and try and break the block, I wrote 1.5 (short version) - a wee sliver lasting 45 seconds and done for a laugh. After that, I finished and recorded a demo for the original, but still wasn't pleased with the chorus. In February I came back to it, rewrote and recorded a new chorus, which I titled "extra crispy" (a humorous spin on the KFC variants), it was with this version I finally came to place where I was satisfied with tune. 



I Hate Valentine's Day (Original)
Written on January 21, 2010

What's it about? During the holidays I'd feel lonely and miss her, and wonder how that could be when she was ultimately bad for me? The answer was that we both gave each other shelter from the storm; bad times or not, we found some peace and happiness, however briefly, with each other.

Chorus - Alternate Lyrics
I hate Valentine's Day, she's gone, gone missing
I hate Valentine's Day, there's someone new, she's kissing



I Hate Valentine's Day (Extra Crispy)
Written on February 14, 2010

Lyrics

She was a liar and a thief, a ball breaker without relief

They'd say she's bad for me, and it's true I couldn't see

Past the heat she'd generate

And I had murder in my eye, when she kissed the blistered sky

But I had no one else to blame, I went along with that game

I was amped up on the charge she'd create

But you see...

When the rest of the world would sleep and there was only her and I

In this moment we'd get through, all the hurt we'd gone through

But she's left, and now...

I hate Valentine's Day; I hate feeling this way

I hate Valentine's Day, she left me, but I never left her

She showed me something new and obscene, I made her innocent and clean

Ah, we thought we'd found the answer, salvation from the cancer

But we were too broken to hold to that illusion

Pre-chorus and chorus

It couldn't last and I knew

Yeah, it might have been a lie, but it was real for me

Chorus



I Hate Valentine's Day (1.5 - short version)
Written on January 31, 2010

Trivia? The "olé" in this tune came from MST3K, it was included in the song "He Tried to Kill Me with a Forklift", from "Fugitive Alien".

Lyrics
Little chalky hearts - stamped with lovey doveys
People holding hands making kissy faces
And it reminds me I'm alone, and it makes me wanna cry
And it makes me wanna puke, and punch them in the eye
I hate Valentine's Day, olé
I hate Valentine's Day, okay
I hate Valentine's Day

 

Emily's Laughing
An amalgam of several women, most specifically a clinically depressed young lady I worked with. I can relate to feeling displaced, looking at a life that became less than planned. I liked the imagery of looking at the stars, its vast emptiness, and the desire to explore and escape into that unknown.

The lyrics were grand, it was the musical that gave me trouble, it's close to wonderful, but I could never get it to click. I had it as a folk ballad for the "Delirium" session, but that version was too long and lost energy at the end. I then tried a different tempo and drumbeat, and made it piano based. I'm not sure it works any better. Less draggy, yes, though not as mournful (plus, I was losing my voice by the end).





Emily's Laughing
Written on January 17, 2007

Lyrics
Emily's laughing at some stupid story, the boys at the bar just shared

And she's looking so good at playing the game, I was almost convinced that she cared

This wasn't the life she dreamt about, when she'd lay on the roof and stare at the stars

Now she wonders if she would feel more real, living alone on the face of Mars

Emily wants a world where she's new

Where she's unknown and flying true 

Emily's laughing, though she's not being funny, when she tells me she wants to feel clean

She'd like to disappear, go crystal clear and walk through a crowd unseen

When I ask her what she's looking for, as she gazes through her telescope

She puts on a cryptic little smile and tells me, she's searching for a glimmer of hope

Chorus

And Emily don't fade away, your stronger than you know

Don't hit the switch and kill the light, Emily don't go

Emily's laughing, lyrically happy, I've never known such a beautiful sound

It echoes distinctly, I can hear it quite clearly

Though she is nowhere to be found

Chorus


Penny's From Another Planet
Here's the original version of "Penny's from Another Planet" (see the Delirium page for the second). The night before I went into the studio, I changed it, added a verse and made it a harder rock number. This first version was sweeter, more Beatle-esque and melodic. I remixed it 3 times trying to strike a better balance, but the handclaps are still too hot, and the backing vocals not loud enough.



Penny's First Draft
Written in October 2006

Lyrics

Penny comes from somewhere out of this world

She's stepping in time to the sound of a snare

When I have the cash I plan to visit her planet

Wish I could stay but I can't breathe the air

Penny’s a drummer girl in skin-tight spandex

Wears a jet pack, lasers sparkle from her eyes

And any man who dares to drink too deeply

Loses his heart as his will slowly dies

Ahh, she sets my head in a spin, neon lights and theremin, my resolve is paper-thin

And my brains burning in a flash, and my eyes are weeping ash

Penny's from another planet, Penny's from out of this world

Penny's from another planet, Penny's way out of this world

Penny lets me look but she's too dangerous to touch

She's got a pretty face and she’s got a pretty mind

I'm firmly beguiled by the juxtaposition of warm flesh and cool metal combined

Chorus

Track 22: A Whisper Shot Through My Brain

I've been going through the catalog and separating the chaff from the wheat, trying to decide what to include and what to leave off. In Track 2 of this Blog, I included 3 songs from a CD collection recorded in August and September of 2009 (Magic Things, Wonderful, Rock N' Roll Chick) that had previously been downloaded to ReverbNation. These are the remaining numbers, most are filler, or novelties, with a few standouts, and nothing I'm embarrassed to share.

Original title "When the Clock Strikes 13", with 13 tracks.

Gone to Gray

Written in May 2009

I did a quick run through this, then forgot about it. I later rediscovered it, and added a second verse and a (kind of) chorus. Catchy filler, another "dream life" song. It was short, so I just ran through it again, with drums. The title might have been a nod to XTCs "Wrapped in Grey" (a song I dig from a band I greatly admire).

Lyrics 

When I tell you quite sincerely, it's not a truth that I've devised 

You can tell that I'm not playin', by the look in my eyes

And I've sat here for hours, scripting love scenes in my mind

Where I reveal my deepest hope, and you respond in kind

Now I'm going under, my dreams torn asunder
My ears deaf with thunder, and I...
I'm forced awake
I'm forced wide awake
To see everything gone to gray

Gone, Gone, Gone

Written on August 21, 2009

When I first wrote this, I wasn't happy with it and was just going to toss it. But a few days later I went back and worked on it again. The words seem like one of my depression songs, but they are actually about losing my sense of self. Sometimes I feel like a ghost drifting among the living. I re-used Chesterton from "The Man Who Was Thursday" (I've only seen the back of the world) The recording went well,

Lyrics

It's like I'm caught in a trap, it's like I'm stuck in a loop

It's like every time I try to set myself free, there's someone out there laughing at me

It's like I had no chance, it was set in stone from my first breath

I'm not sure it's worth mentioning, but it feels like every bit of me is vanishing

And I'll be gone, gone, gone before I end this song

Witness with your unbelieving eyes, I'll be invisible before too long (2X)

It's like a dream I once had, where hope and love smile grand and golden

I realized I'd only seen the back of the world, and never got around the front

Oh where can I be?

Chorus

This imitation of life, I'm an expert at pretending

Wish I could be straight and true, not so twisty, crooked, or bending

Chorus

Rocket

Written in July 2002

In the film "Once" there's a scene where guy answers questions from girl through song, it's something many of us do, we carry our guitars with us, answer while we play, and make up songs about the things around us. This time, my cat Rocket was jumping and running and making me laugh, and I started singing this tune. Most songs like this are quickly forgotten, but this one I wrote down.

Really enjoyed the bass line, there's a repeated "We Got the Beat" vibe to it. Several songs on the collection featured the instrument nicely. Both Magic Things and Wonderful (posted on another page) had bass centered introductions, Pepper was another where it was a highlight.

Lyrics

He digs the world because he got it on a string

Like it ain't nothing to sweat about

He don't care if I've fallen from grace

Or how depressed I get, about my place

Rocket, he just enjoys the ride

Rocket, he's my laughter fuel, he's pretty cool... cat    

He plays cause it's fun and he's always on the run

But when he sleeps, he sleeps like he's lying on clouds

And when I'm feeling down, oh he plays the clown

Or curls up on my lap to keep me safe and sound

Chorus

Stanley Tweedle's Lament

Written in November 2000

More filler - this was about being on the road. I can't remember what the "2 by 2" line meant, something about 2 sets by 2 am, or maybe gigs and days played. I liked the guitar riff, it's steady and cool, and the lyrics are obscure and curious. To get that effect on the word "why", I just rapidly twisted the pan knob by hand.

Stanley Tweedle was the name of a wormy character on the sci-fi series, "Lexx" and was a name I used. I wasn't young and cutting edge anymore, so when I'd go out and try and land a gig in Nashville I'd present myself as the band's manager, Stanley Tweedle, not as its lead singer.

Lyrics

Round and round and up and down, I hit the streets at the speed of sound

2 by 2 and 4 by 6, I hit the sheet, replay the licks

And I, I never know why - I, I never know why

Every time I see it clear I close my eye to make it disappear

I was found but now I'm lost, I played it fair and paid the cost

And I, I never know why - I, I never know why

And when you turned away I turned off all the sound

There was nowhere to go so I went underground

Oh please can't you see, what the game means to me

And I, I never know why - I, I never know why

I offer it up and you take it and run, it burns the eyes but its so much fun

It's Novocain that movies this town, it's all the rage the world around

Shawn D · It's As Simple as This (with cello)

It's as Simple as This

Written on September 3, 2009

The CD was finished, and after a long night's work I wanted to hit the sack... instead, I watched a bit of this sad love story on TV, and that got me to thinking about lyrics, so instead of sleep, I picked up the guitar and had a song. There were no rhymes, nothing clever or poetic in it, just the unvarnished truth of it all. I don't know why I shifted from "this" to "that" at the end, but it was a mistake. 

Over a decade later I commissioned a cellist to add strings to the piece. The gifted Natalie V (Spehar) recorded 3 layers of cello, and having never worked with strings I was quite out to sea. I spent hour after hour on the mix, different combinations, different levels... after 3 days of it my brain turned to mush and I had to just sit down, bounce the tracks, stop fiddling with the faders and just live with it for a while. What you hear above is take 18. (Which doesn't include the countless tries that were aborted halfway through).

I wouldn't call this one of my A-list numbers and with the simple C, Am, F chords it didn't allow for a lot of elaborate playing. But it did have a lot of space in it, with few other instruments fighting for attention. I thought she did beautiful work, and it allows me to check that off my bucket list. (I am thinking of adding percussion of some type, but that's for another day)

Lyrics

It's as simple as this, this is all I know

It's as easy as this, because this is all I know

I've never loved anything, never loved anyone

Like you

It's as simple as this, I love you (2x)

Poets have warred with uncooperative words

Heartsick schoolboys with crumpled paper

Frustrated by slippery sentiment

Nothing they say, says enough

It's as simple as this, I love you (2x) it's as simple as this

I love you till the very end

Why complicated it

With flowery prose

It's as simple as this (3x)

It's as simple as this, this is all I know

No matter the years that separate us

no matter the distance

I love you, it's as simple as that (3x)

A Dream Deferred

Written on August 30, 2009

Rock and roll is very proprietary, rock artists sue at the drop of a hat. But roots music, folk and the like come from a different, long-standing tradition of passing down tunes from generation to generation, adapting and reworking them. "Man of Constant Sorrows" has been adapted hundreds of times. "Scarborough Fair" by Simon & Garfunkel is a traditional English ballad redone, their version echoes the one which was sung by retired miner Mark Anderson to Ewan MacColl in 1947 and later released by Audrey Coppard in 1956, and that's what I used as this tunes model. I constructed completely different lyrics and altered the melody and some chords, but musically it's built on Scarborough Fair.

Lyrically I'm drawing inspiration from the poet Dylan Thomas, I put a lot of thought into the color and weight of the words in an attempt to illustrate my song the way he did his poems. Instead of saying "she's moved on and I'm stuck thinking about the past", I constructed the line, "Temptation has left and all that remains, occupies a whisper that's shot through my brain" - it gives more depth, more poetry to the words.

Lyrics
She trades magnificence for an armful of ash
To bathe in the warmth of temporary godhood
She becomes a stranger to herself...
And struggles to make herself understood

She's a dream deferred

 
Holy mother my sins I confess
I pressed lies to my lips like a sweet lover's kiss
I became a stranger to myself...
To hear heralds, trumpet her excess

She's a dream deferred

Temptation has left and all that remains
Occupies a whisper that's shot through my brain
I remember her eyes were golden coins
And for a moment, her madness made me sane

She's a dream deferred

What Makes it Better

Written on August 30, 2009

Yikes, my vocals are really pitchy, and sloppy... my impatience is my musical ruin. I was shooting for a screaming rocker but got this pop confection instead. It's catchy, and positive, which is a nice change of pace.

Lyrics

You know what makes it better, is hiding down here in my cellar

Listening to those longhaired boys, making all that wonderful noise

I couldn't be happier than I am right now

You know what makes life deep is the beautiful company I keep

No money that I've earned and spent, has ever made me as content

I couldn't be happier than I am right now

You thought I was kidding, and you laughed

When I said that this was my best Saturday

Staying up all hours with you, talking the night away

You know what makes me serene, is slipping down into a dream 

Falling into the arms of sleep, drifting further into the deep

I couldn't be happier than I am right now

Oh, Pepper

Written on August 30, 2009

I don't know why I did it, and I've never attempted it in the past, but I wrote and recorded 3 songs on this day. A novelty song based on the Iron Man comics I read as a youth in the 60s and 70s. I made it a love song to Pepper Potts, with references to Iron Man villains as bad boyfriend models: A control freak (The Controller) a cold heart (Blizzard), an empty charmer trying to impress with flashy bling (Mandarin), a BS artist with one thing on his mind (Titanium Man) and a guy who pushes to hard (Crimson Dynamo). It's pure cheese and silly to the point of embarrassment, still, I got a laugh out of it. 

The bass took forever, I wanted to run scales, rather than do a note-for-note thing, but I could never get through it in a single take, so I ended up stitching together 3 different bass tracks to create a single.

Lyrics

Oh Pepper, can I be your Iron Man, I'm not a rusted empty tin can

Inside there's a heart that beats true, there's flesh and blood that longs for you

Pepper, you know you can believe, there's no way I'd deceive

No chilly Blizzard to turn your heart to blue

Oh Pepper, though I shield myself in armor, if you could see into my eyes

You know I'd pulverize, any villain who'd dare harm you

I'm not just a smooth talker, using 10 rings to charm you

Let me take you in my arms, let me fly you 'round the planet

My circuits will never quit, and that aint no Titanium bullshit

Pepper, I'm no Crimson Dynamo, we can take this slow

Let me be your superhero, that Controller's such a zero

I'm not about making you my slave, but you're making my chest piece glow

Oh Pepper, Pepper, I love you so

Oh, Pepper, I can be your Iron Man (3x)

Marlon Brando

Written on August 30-31, 2009

I wrote the lyrics late on the 30th, and the music the next day. This was a walk-through Marlon Brando's filmography (leaving about 7 movies out as I didn't know how to weave them into the lyrics). Streetcar and Waterfront took up the first stanza, then I switched over to the single line format for the rest, which makes the word scheme lopsided, I guess. Speaking of which, I was not going to sing on the musical interlude, but I liked the guitar on the second stanza, so I left that void of lyrics and sang those lines for the interlude instead.

The melody came after finding a drumbeat I liked. Vocals? I don't consider this rap, more sing-talking, Rex Harrison style. (It reminds me of Mike Nesmith's "Ramona and Sunset Sam" song). A fun tune, but it's again another lightweight novelty. Oh, and no, McConaughey wasn't on my mind while I wrote this, The "all rights" just felt right at the time of recording.

Lyrics

I had dinner with the Kowalskis, at times I could feel the stress

Boy that man's got himself a temper, but Stella loves him nevertheless

I took a cab with Terry Malloy, his conscious gave him a fight

He could close his and take the count, but he wants to set things right

What do you say, Desiree - it's a bird it's a plane - here comes the Swede, look out now

I was looking for something to rebel against so I could ride with the Wild One

I shared a laugh with Sakini, I flew a jet with Major Gruver

I saw shades of gray in Rio, I witnessed man's black heart in Walker

I went down south with Sheriff Calder, I went north with a regulator (see you later)

I kissed the ring of the Don and danced one final tango in Paris

I saw the world through golden eyes and madness through the mind of Kurtz

I dined on Komodo dragon and left the night of the following day

Tried to talk sense to the ugly American but he couldn't hear a word I'd say

The good doctor is NOT in

I came to bury Caesar and left with these guys and dolls

Where I was psychoanalyzed with Don Juan, man I thought I knew the score

So, I sabotaged Hitler's rubber, and led a revolution

There was mutiny in the air, I had the formula but no solution

He's just the fugitive kind

Symphonies to the Man in the Moon

Written on September 1, 2009

I was growing weary of the novelty song that were born from my desire to write about things I liked. It bordered on the ridiculous (Rocket, Rocket and Roll Chick, Oh, Pepper, and Marlon Brando). In my zeal to avoid the darkness, I'd slipped into a worse quagmire on the opposite end.

I was desperate to create something serious and poetic. "Symphonies" was about my job working security during the graveyard shift, in a part of downtown where I saw the drunks and crazies, the obnoxious teens, and the loser con men on a regular basis. Every time I did my rounds, I'd pray some idiot wasn't going to spoil my walk. 

While the music was a simple folk chord progression, and a common one, I didn't want to mirror anything too closely. I tried a faster tempo, then slowed it down, and that was an improvement. I especially like the colorful lyrics and harmonies.

Lyrics

Trying my best to keep my head down, get through another night unseen

It seems everyone's a cowboy or clown, hopped up on speedballs and nicotine

And there's the ghetto tycoon banging his wooden spoon

Playing symphonies to the man in the moon, symphonies to the man in the moon

Ah they've ruined yet another lovely stroll, because they can't keep their septic mouths shut

Lord knows the insects they've swallowed whole, all to impress themselves with the unkindest cut

And the ghetto tycoon is still banging his wooden spoon

Playing symphonies to the man in the moon, symphonies to the man in the moon

And the man in the moon, he's splitting this scene soon

Gonna leave this town at high tide, stealing away on an amusement park ride

Icarus a little singed, has his head buried in Chesterton

His fairy queen comes unhinged, and beats a hasty retreat toward oblivion

And the ghetto tycoon is still banging his wooden spoon

Playing symphonies to the man in the moon, symphonies to the man in the moon

And the man in the moon, he's splitting this scene soon

Gonna leave this town at high tide, stealing away on an amusement park ride (2x)

Trying my best to keep my head down, get through another night unseen

It seems everyone's a cowboy or clown, hopped up on speedballs and nicotine

There's the ghetto tycoon banging his wooden spoon

Playing symphonies to the man in the moon, symphonies to the man in the moon

Symphonies to the man in the moon, symphonies to the man in the moon

Track 21: The Living End

Most of these numbers were written in a flurry in February 2011, where they sat, waiting for more songs to come to me so I could burn a CD, but not much did, aside from "Collette (Every Time I Say Your Name)" in June of the same year (that tune was included on Track 1 of this blog).

To fill this out I'm going to include "Bethany" from the "Writhe" sessions, as this was also the source for the original recording of Diane Elliott (which was remixed with new vocal tracks in 2011). A late addition is a new song, a new last song?

The title comes from the lyrics of one of the songs in this collection.

Diane Elliott
Written on August 29, 2001

This is an older recording revisited. I added backing vocals, a shaker, and some bass. The year, 2001: I had finished up with my EP Not a Viable Commercial Product and while happy with it, I was drained. There was a lot of pain and suicidal thoughts and unhappiness in that record. It's like I needed to purge myself and did so by vomiting my darkness onto a CD.

Once that was out of my system, I needed to get away from it. Write something lighter in tone. So, I came up with this tune about my grade school crush. The song is pretty much a true account – The first day I laid eyes on her I swallowed my heart. The guys knew it and took to teasing me about it. Being a half-wit and not slick enough to simply slip her one of those "I like you; do you like me. Check one" missives, nothing came of it. and I admired Diane from afar. 

In 2002 I did a quick recording in the same studio I did my EP. The engineer said he liked the Ringo line, and said it was a great lyric. I tried to write with the wide-eyed innocence I had back then. Rather straightforward and naive. Those fluttering butterflies did feel like being sick to my stomach.

Lyrics
Diane Elliott sat at the front of class, I sat in the back
I caught her eye, she looked away and that’s the night I became an insomniac

Told my friends I had an epiphany, that was a big mistake
Once the ball got rolling, it rolled right over me and left me with a stomachache

All this relentless teasin', shut out all sounds of reason
Why won’t you all close your mouths?

Cause I'm not in love with Diane Elliott, na, na, na, na
Diane Elliott, na, na, na, na – I'm not in love, I'm not in love, I'm not in love.

Put on my Beatles shirt after school, rode my bike down to her block
Eyes on her house I didn’t see the pickup, now I'm a laughingstock

Bleeding all over Ringo Starr, I got out my old guitar
Thought I’d pen a few good lies

But I'm not in love with Diane Elliott, na, na, na, na
Diane Elliott, na, na, na, na – I'm not in love, not in love, not in looooove

She might be the most beautiful girl in the world –but that doesn't mean a thing to me!
She might have the face of an angel, but I wouldn't notice, as you can plainly see
I’m not in love!

Repeat chorus



Everything is...
Written on February 17, 2011

On songwriting forums etc, you’ll often find us complaining about our limited thematic scope. We can write about love easy enough, it's branching out that can be difficult. This one's different, it drew Inspiration from Internet discussion boards.

This song took its first gulp of air after I'd read a mean and judgmental proclamation directed at another member (to paraphrase broadly, "Your selfish and other people have it worse!") Where do these presumptions come from? For all the forum attacker knew, the forum attackee was sitting behind her computer with a puffy purple shiner, a birthday gift from the husband delivered earlier that day. "How do you know the depth of this person’s pain?" I wondered.

From there, the infant tune took its first awkward steps after I took stock of myself. For everything I know, I know very little. For every place I've been, I still haven’t seen everything. I look at the whole of my life and see my experiences and how they shaped me. Yet despite living all of these years, I can sometimes still be so full of shit.

This was another quick demo, just me plugged in and plucking away and singing in one take. Adding backing vox, lead guitar, etc., later. I'm madly in love with the "radio 1" filter and use on my voice to excess, I like f-ing with my voice (it sounds like I might have run it through the distortion pedal at the bridge as well). I put this in a lower tuning, but I don't what that tuning is - I just lowered it to about in the middle arrow on the flat side of the tuner (HaHa, that's scientific enough, right?)

Lyrics
And everything is everything is everything I know
It's all right, it's all wrong, it's all for show
Mrs. soft soap, scolding softly, "Other people got it worse than you"
It doesn't change that pain is pain, you feel it whether you're in the gutter or well to do

I tried to tell you, I tried to say it but I didn't want to sound unkind
I couldn't follow, I couldn't be there, I couldn't go in blind
And everywhere is everywhere is everywhere I go
It's all right, it's all right, but it's not all right

You have been wagering – That everyone is all the same
You dole out pills for the masses, then take a bow to our raised glasses

And everything is everything is everything I know
It’s all right, it’s all wrong, it’s all for show
I trace a line back; I see it all back, to infancy
A jagged path through recrimination and false sympathy

And everything is everything is everywhere I go
It’s all right, it’s all right, but it’s not all right



(I'll Never Be) Your Forever Man
Written on February 19, 2011

Hmm, what to say about the subject matter, it's about how my personality quirks, if you will, have caused difficulties in relationships. I was tested to see if I was on the autism spectrum (my father was always worried about me) but nothing was conclusive, I had some traits, but not others. And I had this war within myself, where a part of me hated my social awkwardness, etc, and part of me accepted that this as who I was, that I existed in this liminal space, where it was me and my routines, or my rocking, which gave me comfort (but unfortunately, when that movie came out, I acquired a certain nickname). 

A few lyrics might upset some listeners, but it's my brain, it's my life and it's what I felt. And some lyrics... well over the years I've forgotten what they mean ("I take it all for granted with words that condescend" - no clue what I was trying to say there)

Forever Man (not to be confused with that Clapton song) was written and recorded on the quick, and I do mean quick. While I like the western-flavored melody and the chords. The song still needs work, for example, I repeat too many of the same words, and the guitar sounds out of tune. (I removed some of the "try's" in the lyrics, though they remain in the recording)

I like the idea of everything -whether it is pain or happiness, it’s all just a small moment of time. Nothing lasts forever (which is a thought that comforts me whenever I'm struggling).

Lyrics
It’s the outer limit; it’s the living end
I take it all for granted, with words that condescend
Oh, and I could show you something, but it’s best if I hold my tongue
'Cause I tend to ramble incoherently, until I’ve come unstrung

I was born under a shadow, with a mark upon my brow
I wanted to tell you, baby, but I just didn’t know how
And I’ve tried to do my best, Oh I don’t mean to complain
God knows I did my damnedest, and broke under the strain

But it’s just a moment in time, it won’t go on forever
I’ll take comfort in what I can --- Oh but baby, I’ll never be, your forever man

If I could let it show, If I could find the key
I’d break out from this prison -- and truly be free
I tried to do my best, No I don’t mean to complain
God knows I did my damnedest, and broke under the strain



Approach With Caution
Written on February 20, 2011

I guess this is my "Nowhere Man". My car was busted, and I was stuck home. Bored to tears and eating a Pop Tart while laying on my bed. Staring at my albums (Boingo's "Only a Lad") and the paintings on the walls (Dali)... I thought, "I could turn this into a song".

I hate the lines about food, even though they were true (that’s what I do when I'm bored – eat, even if I’m not hungry, watch TV even if there’s nothing on). I thought about calling a gal, but that would have opened old wounds and heartaches - and when I came to that part of the song, trying to find a rhyme for "Sin" the light bulb come on over my head... "How about, let the right one in?" I was delighted and pat myself on the back - because at the time I was really into the movie (Let the Right One In) and was reading the book. Everything in the song is true, except for beer... I was actually drinking root beer.

The song reminds me of Lou Reed, the chord structure is very much like Reed.

The melody all sounds the same, verse and chorus, so I attempted to break things up by adding more percussion in the chorus, and changing the rhyme schemes, though I don’t think this works. I was whispering the vocals because it was early in the morning, and I didn't want complaints from the neighbors. I intended to re-do them, but I liked it, so they stayed that way. The bass was a hell of a lot of fun to play.

Lyrics
Sitting here with my melting clocks - Sitting here with my album art
There’s a lizard handed Boy Scout on a mountain top
I take another bite from my cherry Pop Tart

And I’m bored as sin; I’d like to let the right one in
But the right ones seem to take a wrong turn
I might be getting older, but I never learn
Approach with caution ‘cause you might get burned

I’ve been standing here for a half an hour, Staring inside my refrigerator
Hope, something different will suddenly stand out
And I’ll kick this pop stand and sing, "See ya later"

I’d love to get in my car and feel the wind in my face
Drive to the ocean, escape this dying place
But my car needs more repairs than I have money
So, I turn on a sit-com, but I don’t find it funny
I cook my eggs, but the eggs are runny

And I can pretend for hours, pretend I’m anywhere else but here
Reality’s impossible to defy – Sit in your underwear, and crack open another beer

Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go… again



Bethany
Written on March 18, 2001

This is actually about my first electric guitar. I named her Bethany, after the novel "Bethany's Sin" by Robert R. McGammon. This also nearly became the name of the band, until I found out another group was using it. The tune was written in Nashville and first performed live at the Douglas Corner Cafe. I don't believe Jerrod (the engineer) felt it was working in the first session. In the 2nd, when I added harmonies (and the lead spot) he said that really lifted the track considerably. I do like it lyrically and feel the pre-chorus/chorus is the song's strong suit.

Note: It's written as a love song, and that made my ex-wife jealous, as she thought it was actually about a real woman, even though she knew the guitar was named Bethany, even when I pointed out the lyrics (how many women wait in the dark). It cracks me up to think of the absurdity of it.

Lyrics

I put myself out there, because this is all I've got

And with my first love, she loves me no matter

She stands at my side; she sings when my fingers glide

You don't forget your first love, she's the only place you can hide

You might think I'm out of my mind

She don't care, she's always been there

Bethany, Bethany

Bethany's sin, was hangin' round a guy who can't win

And when I'm lonesome, I always know where I can find her

She waits in the dark, 'till I come along spilling out my heart

Chorus

She don't cut me, she don't drag me

She don't analyze me

She don't laugh, when I fall

She's at my beck and call



God's Mistake

Written on July 26, 2022

And here I thought I was done with songwriting.

In revisiting my musical past, I inadvertently released old traumas, and in doing so, found it difficult to sleep, woken by terrible memories. Having to deal with current everyday troubles was bad enough, I didn't need to carry around the past humiliations and bullying as well. 

In reading articles about how to heal and move on, one author suggested writing a letter to your tormentors, not to send, but to get it off your chest. So, I made the attempt, and began, "Dear assholes..." 

It's interesting how that morphed into a song, how I had to rework it in order for it fit a rhyme scheme, and how, as with most tunes, I had to whittle the lyrics down, and find a way to say what I wanted succinctly. 

Notes: Princess? Yeah, women could be cruel too, by egging on their brutal champions, and... I remember once, a girl bumped into me, she apologized, and I was touched to be treated like a human being, then she saw who it was, and her faced curdled like milk, "Oh, it's only you" - garbage like me didn't deserve compassion or kindness - all of this contributed to the psychological and emotional damage I suffered. The line, "you stole my voice"? The Beatles gave that back. When I talk about their importance in my life, that's not an exaggeration, and it goes beyond just enjoying their music. They inspired me, empowered me, when Lennon sang "Nowhere Man", and I read how that came about, how he was blocked and feeling nowhere, "What, he feels that too?" I thought, so it's okay to put that in a song, to express yourself, be yourself? That was powerful and life changing.

Lyrics

I don't remember your faces, but I do remember your fists

I don't remember your names, but the damage you did persists

I wouldn't know you if I saw you, but I remember how you stole my voice

I thought I'd buried the past, but even in that it seems I have no choice

The little pieces you cut from me, the thousand scars in your wake

The way you made me feel, like I was God's mistake

The way you made me feel, like I was God's mistake

Did hurting me make you feel strong, or like a princess, or a prince

Was this how you assert your manhood, and who were you trying to convince

So, I'm writing you this letter, to try to get it off my chest

In hopes that I can find some peace, and finally get some rest

The little pieces you cut from me, the thousand scars in your wake

The way you made me feel, like I was God's mistake

But the jokes on you (you cowards) I'm not God's mistake

Yeah, the jokes on you, cause I'm not God's mistake

Track 20: Shattered

I began recording this in earnest in June of 2009, completing it in late July - some of what was included were the last of my early songs from the "Embryo Files" that have been collected in other posts. Most of what remained were written between 2007 and 2009, and those are what you'll find here. The original CD title was "Scraping Bottom"

Reality

Written in summer 2007

It's about my proposal to C, written as if set in one night, though in truth the conversation lasted over a week, there were a lot of layers, more than a traditional proposal. Musically this is one of my "wandering path" songs, one that doesn't follow the conventional verse/chorus/verse structure but wanders from one melody to the other and from one dominant key to the next (here's its F# to BM to D to G) - Oh, and dancing on her fingertips is not to be taken literally, it just means she was nervously tapping her fingers on the table, lol.

Lyrics

There's nothing more absurd, than what I just heard, spilling from my lips

And you're dancing on your fingertips, bite your lip to buy more time

What kind balm can you offer, how can you tell your friend

That he's thinking like a fool, baby that's not cruel, that's my reality

(So, say what you need to say) that's my reality

(I know the words by heart anyway) did I really think you'd marry me

When I made this mad proposal, I said I'd slay dragons for you

When I made my desperate pitch, it wasn't simply your soul I was trying to rescue

My angel my muse my heart, when I made this sacred oath

I was offering an escape from reality, I was offering an escape from reality

I was offering an escape from reality... for us both

A Million Miles Away

Written in 1997

A song about regrets, and that's about it. I was so locked up inside myself - I was always a quiet kid, but the traumas I experience during my middle school years, caused me to recede even further away from people. Musically it's another wandering path song, though this circles back, to end where it began.

Lyrics

I was the one who was a million miles away

Didn't realize it till now

I was the one who was a million miles away

Didn't regret it till now

If you could travel to your past

Would you take the chance for just one day

To be with the person you were back then

But even then, would listen to a word you'd say

And I don't know if I have ever known a time

A moment in my life when I felt in synch

Always on the outside even when I made it on the inside

I was the one who was a million miles away

Didn't realize it till now

I was the one who was a million miles away

Didn't regret it till now

2 AM Thursday

Written in September 2007?

I can't find the original lyric sheet so I'm guessing as to its date of birth. I spun it around 3 chords - the words, strangely, were drawn from a riff in the MST3K episode "Human Duplicators", where Joel has Richard Keil's character point out places he'd been while on Earth. I thought that might be a capital idea for a song, have me go through all the landmarks and trace the course of a relationship. This is where we met, this is where we fell apart. I used "Radio 3" for the echoed vocals, I had no FX on the Fostex to do this, so I had to record each voice on its own.

Lyrics

And this is the place, where I first saw your pretty face

This is the room where you offered me your smile

This is where we sat and got to know each other

And there is where I stood and watched you make your way through the crowd

And I came to realize, I came to realize

I was falling in love with you

It was under these dim lights when I first asked you out

And there stands the restaurant where I handed you a rose

And here said our goodbyes and you kissed me on the cheek

And this is the street I drove down, unable to speak

And this was our last dance, though I didn't know it at the time

I took us for granted that was my only crime

And it was on this corner when you pulled your hand sharply from mine

And here, 2 am Thursday, I witness it all come apart

This is where you broke my heart

And here on your porch, I watched you fade away

And this is where I tried to fix what was broken but was unable to save the day

And this is where I slept...

When you rode out of town

I Love You

Written on June 9, 2009

I was dinking around on the guitar and singing lines from a movie review I'd written for the Cate Blanchett film, "Heaven"". The juxtaposition of opposite phrases was part of that. I later fleshed out the piece based on a woman I lived with, something she said about her appearance - from that I thought, "Yes, everything about us is wrong, or mismatched, or imperfect, but I love you anyway." Note: I wish I could take a time machine and erase those distracting claves.

Lyrics

I know you're not much, but your everything

We are just like twins, who are nothing alike

We are elemental, so fundamentally wrong for each other

You're a pain in the ass, don't look so hot without your makeup

I love you

I eat too much crap, I am losing all my hair

When I look at you smiling at me, I feel young and fair

We have been infused with a poetic melancholy

We're so dark and jolly

Chorus

And if you tell me it's okay, even while Rome is burning, I'll believe you

Wish

Written on August 1, 2007, at 5:25 pm

I wrote this while C and I were texting each other. I don't remember what we talked about, but it was probably related to the lyrics. It's a sweet but simple number, there's no true chorus or bridge, it simply revolves around 3 verses, with a small variation on the last one. 

Lyrics

Wish I could tear the pain from your heart

Wish I could protect you when the bleeding start

Your light saved my life

I wish mine could save yours

I'm a songwriter and all I can offer are empty words

And a handful of tears, and a place to leave your fears

My tongue trips up and fails to tell you true

What a blessing it was to find a friend like you

Your light saved my life

I wish mine could save yours

I'm a songwriter and all I can offer are empty words

And a handful of tears, and a place to leave your fears

You're so much more special than you know

And if that sounds corny or trite

It's only because inspired declarations elude me tonight

The Island

Written May 1, 2008

This was inspired by a comment made by an internet pal who said of one of my tunes (Drill a Hole in My Head) - "You give away too much power", and of course that found its way into a song. Lots of bleeding in this one (yeesh, me and blood) - "The Island" I just plucked out of thin air, I had no title, never could figure what else to call it. "Powerless" I guess?  

Lyrics

I lost my muse, now everything I write is shit

I'm so confused, because I really, really thought I found it

And if I give away too much power, it's because I have none of my own

And at this late hour, I think I'm running out of time, to find what I'm looking for

What a nightmare you weave, what a black sickness we lived through

You begged me "please don't leave", and I see all that spit and bile and blood spill from you

And if you give away too much power, it's because you have none of your own

And at this late hour, you think you're running out of time, to find what you're looking for

And you slip away as easy as you please, as desperate as you squeeze me dry

And leave me here to die

Skipping blithely vapid smile on your face

As you watch me bleed all over the place

Oh, angel, I need to know that you

Would offer a blood sacrifice too, all for love of me

Baby, I'm so sorry, I failed to keep the monsters at bay

I tried to write a happy ending, but these Goddamned lyrics went astray

And if we give away too much power, it's because we have none of our own

And at this late hour, I think we're running out of time, to find what we're looking for

Don't Be Scared, It's Cool

Written on November 11, 2006

This was a throwaway tune using imagery from the horror genre and relating it to sex. The title came from a sound clip they played on a morning radio show (C. Foster Kane). I never did find out what TV show or movie it came from so I couldn't use the actual sound clip in the number.

Lyrics

I can't get you, I can't get you, I can't get you out of my head

Everything's hurting, everything's breaking, everything's aching to get you into my bed

I got no deep poetry, to describe this hunger inside of me

I wanna drive a stake through your heart

I want you to rip me all apart

I wanna take you, I wanna take you, I wanna take you someplace sacred to hide

You're not afraid, no you're not afraid, 'cause you know darkness has its charming side

Chorus

The Hero in Your Movie

Written in December 2006

This is one of the piles of songs I was considering for "Delirium" - It was never a serious contender for the CD and I quickly forgot about it. I got the idea after watching a horror film and noticing the same plot patterns. I thought it would be nice if, in one of these things, the comic relief actually got to be the hero and wound up with the girl in the end. 

I think I was going for a Violent Femmes thing with this one, especially with the voice

Lyrics

It's always the same way in the movies

There will be a chubby guy who pines for the pretty girl

But he's only there to be the comedic third wheel

He's fish bait, destined to die in the second reel.

And sure enough there with be this other guy in a too-tight T-shirt

With a perpetual growth of beard stubble

And he'll save the day (blah, blah blah)

And the girl will give her heart to him (blah, blah blah)

Meanwhile, the poor chubby guy is busy being torn limb from limb

And I wish in the movies the reject would find the pearl

Slay the dragon, gain some respect and get the girl

And baby, you know it would be so groovy

If I could be the hero in your movie

Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, ya

It's always the same way on the TV

Some guy in a red shirt beams down on the planet

He never gets to kiss the green-skinned girl

He never gets to save the world

He never gets to do anything except die, uh-eye, buh bye

A Handful of Rain

Written on July 20, 2009

Some filler for the end of the CD. I didn't write the musical arrangement, I let the Boss drum machine cycle through a random number and improvised the melody and lyrics as it ran. I later spruced up the words - some psychedelic nonsense - and put a heavy delay on my voice.

Lyrics

You carry a handful of rain

Walk up hill and glen

You place it in your goldfish bowl

And start back again

Rainbow stripes, across your eyes

Moonlit stars purify

And rest upon your gentle breast

Where a hummingbird builds a nest

Gods made of marbled stone

Worship at your velvet throne

I spin into your kaleidoscope brain

And drink an offered handful of rain

Track 19: Atom 12

The title was a play on the cop show Adam-12 - It was a band name I was planning to use, but while on Myspace I saw several had already adopted the name. Recorded in August of 2009, only 2 came from the original Atom 12 (Around and Around and This Time) as the CD was filled with covers and early songs that have found a home on "The Embryo Files" collections. The first part of this album, or EP are folk numbers, the final tracks are rock. Click play to hear all songs one after the other - or use side bar to pick and choose.

When I Knew I Had You
Written on April 28, 2010

I wrote this after watching "Crazy Heart". I wanted to try and write what my uncle used to call a "crying and dying" country tune. Intended to be a story song, but I had no ending, so it's more a 'moment in time' type.

I improvised the bridge, thinking to change it later, but reconsidered, as that plaintive cry suits the number. "I needed you" sounds desperate and pleading.

I originally had "beer" in the words but that whole section made me wince, so I went instead with the image of the empty bottle. Same cliched idea, but a bit more artistic. The mix has some rough patches, lead vox get hot in spots and my timing was off, leading into the bridge. Plus, I'm losing my voice at the end.

Lyrics

I haven't smiled in weeks; I haven't seen the sun in ages

I keep turning pages, but I haven't read a word

Without you, it all seems random and absurd

I haven't sung a single note; all my lyrics dry up in my throat

And this old guitar is out of tune, crying like a cat, at the moon

It disappeared all too soon

Life ain't been easy on me, it keeps piling on the misery

But I could take anything it could dish out; I could take it all

When I knew I had you, had you to come home too (2x)

All that I knew, was that I needed you, I needed you, I needed you

Please understand my dreams have all faded, and I got old and jaded

But none of that mattered, the day I met you all the hurt shattered

I thought I finally found the answer

Now empty bottles clutter the nightstand, there's a photograph clutched in my hand

Tossing and turning I can't sleep tonight, remembering a time when it all was right

When I knew I had you, had you to come home too (2x)

One Drop of Blood
Written in 2006

I found these lyrics that had no music, and I'm not sure exactly when I wrote them. I do recall the idea of it, after accidentally cutting myself and thought of all these millions of cells coming to repair the wound, sacrificing themselves for the good of the body. I expanded upon that and thought, how small we are, how many lives have come and gone over the centuries, and who knew these lives, who remembers, who cares in the here and now?

Lyrics

One drop of blood, the size of a pin

Escaped through a hole in my skin

Hundreds of cells rush to repair the rend

Sacrifice an existence they can't comprehend

One drop of blood on the concrete

I left part of me dying on the hot street

Millions of cells that once thrived in community

Callously forgotten without hostility

Dozens walk past without ever knowing

Hundreds step over this small splash of red

Thousands over years, coming and going

And not one tear in mourning will ever be shed

Chorus - repeat the first 2 lines in the first verse

This Time
Written in February 2002

A song I worked on for years, the chorus was a troubled spot, which I reworked for the recording. I also added a harmonica and harmonies - the changes helped make it a better song. "Pretty mind" comes from MST3K, in the movie "Girl in Gold Boots"

Lyrics

I'm nowhere, a loser, a waste of skin, a misfit

I fall down, I'm flat broke, I fall again, why don't I simply quit

And it's hard to live, but it's harder still to die

And who knows the schemes I'll hatch in my pretty, pretty mind

I might take this opportunity and start it all from scratch

And it could turn out better, this time, it could turn out better, thus time

I toil, and I struggle, I watch dreams sink into sorrow

I fall down, how many more, I've lost score, but I hope for tomorrow

Chorus

But I can't omit, some truths are counterfeit

I receive no benefit, yet still, I swallow this bitter pill

Drink it down, now I've had my fill

Steals the Breath
Started in May, completed June 10, 2010

More an unfinished poem - when I found the "Marry Me Song" on a cassette and heard Brenda's voice and laughter, I completed this one with her in mind. It sums up my feelings of loss, being 50 with no wife or child to come home to - I made my choices and went after my dream, but you gain, and you lose with each choice. 

Melody-wise, I felt it was a bit bland, so I Dylaned up my voice to add color and spice, and it helped liven up the piece, and gave it heart and personality. 

Lyrics

I capture a memory, and curse my unfocused brain

For it renders you incompletely, suffused in watery fog and pain

The signals faint, somethings interfering with the frequency

And it steals the breath from my lungs, steals the words from my tongue

It steals the, steals the, steals the breath from my lungs

But I remember I was happy to know you, happy to live with you

Happy to see that face and hear that voice, and know that I could never live without them

And yet here I am living every pointless day without them

Chorus

But life is fleeting, haven't I learned that yet

So why am I fighting, holding tightly to my regret

When I hear your laughter tumbling from that old cassette

I think about what I gave up, and how there's nothing left

I come home to an empty apartment, and your voice echoes off the walls

Chorus

The Poet's Daughter
Worked on in May, completed on June 13, 2010

I was listening to "Ode to Bobby Joe" and wanted to write a story/conversational number, though I never really got there. 

This was a toughie - while I was okay with the lyrics, the melody was a fright and I struggled week after week trying to get something down. The tempo was off, and the transition to the chorus was never smooth enough. After battling with it, I finally wrote the bridge and the lyrics to the final verse and got to something I could live with. Though it is a brutal number.

The lead harmonica I used was in D. I originally had a harmonica in A for the intro and musical breaks, but it felt too busy and disjointed, so I eliminated them and shortened the song by cutting the intro and outro.

Lyrics
Mamma kept a bottle on the floor by the bed 

She said baby don't worry you're, baby don't worry your silly head
Mama just needs to feel random now and again
Now and again, she needs to take the edge off

And she was the poet's daughter, she was the lamb to slaughter

It was more of the same, she was stuck playing their game

Now baby's taking all the blame, baby's taking all the blame

She was left on grandma's doorstep at the tender age of 10

While mamma went off on her, mamma went off on one of her tangents again

And daddy was AWOL, playing a gig at the Graybar hotel

For doing things, no one talks about

Straightjacketed freelance wailers, she gave into her jailers

Despite her urgent vow, she kneeled before their sacred cow

And was transformed in a stunning display of filth and lies

Now baby's taking all the blame, baby's swallowed by their game

Baby's working angles she learned from those seasoned pros

Mamma taught her everything, daddy taught her everything, everything she knows

And every promise she makes herself, is a promise she breaks herself

But baby believes that she's, baby believes that she's different from them

And she was the poet's daughter, she was the lamb to slaughter

It was more of the same, she was stuck playing their game

Now baby's taking all the blame, baby's taking all the blame

A Father's Song
Written in January 2009

A number I wrote after my father died. The melody sounds like an old, old song I wrote. It was difficult to sing, out of my current range at the time. The word structure works, though I worried it might be too sappy - this was recorded on the quick and it isn't very polished.

Lyrics

When you were a young man and you held us in your arms

Did you ever wonder where this life would take us?

And did you foresee all the happiness and tears

Did you vow that love and laughter would get us through the years?

And when I'd fall, you'd pick me up and then

Kiss my brow and set me off again

You held our tiny hands, and watch us grow

And hope you taught us well when it was time for you to go

When you were an old man and you held us in your arms

I wonder were you proud of us, and the people we'd become

Life ebbs and flows, it's defined by such fragility

And a man asks no more than to leave this world surrounded by his family

And when I'd fall, you'd pick me up and then

Kiss my brow and set me off again

As fathers do, they sacrifice and watch us grow

And hope they've taught us well when it was time for them to go

ZAP!
Written in March 2010

I've never written a song with "Z" as the first word in a title, though I didn't intend to keep it, it was filler until I could come up with something better, but better never came, so "Zap!" It's another one of those things where I have this musical bit floating around, with improvised lyrics. A few months later I come back to it. It's not a favorite, the guitar bit is nice as is the chord structure, but it all winds up a minor number with an obscured lyrical thread that draws from a variety of sources which makes it all unfocused. I added the bridge later while recording. It actually came from an early, early song (long lost), so yeah, it's a patchwork piece.

Lyrics

I know you play more than any girl, you can tell me to get lost, and I'm gone

You can tell me, it's none of my business

And baby, ZAP! You know me off my feet

ZAP! I know where I wanna be, right there in your arms I'm feeling free

You know why I go, when I go, you tell me it's not easy for you

But baby you got all the choice in the world

ZAP! You put on quite a show

ZAP! I got nowhere else to go, there's only you in this entire world

You don't know what you've done to me

Twist me around till I can't see

I never had a name for the pain

Now I know where to place all the blame

Around and Around
Written on August 18, 2009

Created on the fly to pad out the "Atom 12" CD. It's a good grinding piece that's fun and makes me rock in my chair. It's about a woman who spins so many tales that neither she nor I can tell what the truth is anymore.

Lyrics

There was something in your words that night, something I can't define

But as you smiled and crept into my bed, every single word that you said

Spun around and around and around and around

As I sat on your bathroom floor, and read to you a tale of woe

You whispered of conspiracy, that bore the breath of heresy

You spun around and around and around and around

I could not verify if every truth was all a lie

You quickly volunteer to tell me the very thing I want to hear

You spun around and around and around and around and around and around...

Unforgiven
Written on June 21, 210

Totally improvised, another short number written just to fill out time on a CD (like "Song 64" and "Handful of Rain"). It's loud, I poured on the reverb, I love that opening guitar (sounds like a buzzing razor). Lyrics are nonsense, made up on the spot. 

Lyrics

One simple truth, one simple lie

You take it all and I let it slide

You play it all off, one against the other

You play one of us, brother to brother

One more thing to do if we're to break

I'm unforgiven